On a Cats......Whi.......

wwweeeeeeeeoooooooowwweeee         ooooooooooeeeeeewwwwwwzzzz

Albert...wwwweeeee....Cracklep.....wwwwooooo...ort..transmitting on low band anti G4 receiving channel.  Yep ! This is old skool stuff.
At the moment I'm under the bed clothes.........with my Ever Ready Space Beam Torch.....

and of course my Cats Whisker -.......Which of course is bringing this very message down the big copper cables under the street, up smaller wires buried in the walls of your house, and erupting like a fountain of knowledge before your very eyes.......I tell you...cast aside thee G4s...........and hash tag tablets......you know they are sinful......they will bring down humanity.............one day everyone will be sat on their big fat arses.........plugged in....and messaging..........but not communicating
Whatever !!!!!!    You heard it here first...........be warned......

 
It's been a funny old week in Vintafake land. -It's obvious too that despite efforts to achieve world domination for the Virago Brotherhood by both The Old Sidevalve bar flagon tippers and the Oilyracer fire bucket stockers the message is not getting through........Nay...not funny.........SAD !!!!!.
Many hours I have been rubbing my £5 ebay rim ! A yorkshireshireshire Aladdin..that's me !........My fingers stinging with the friction........my lungs burning with the toxic chrome dust that rises and falls like the ash cloud from Versuvius.........
Then....The job was done........I was ready for a spoke enquiry......
But - From the first 'well known' wheel rim vendor (down in Devon........)

 Unfortunately there is no way that rim is going to fit your hub. Each rim is dimpled and pierced so that the angle of the spokes will fit exactly to match hubs.

Each spoke when when placed in the hub should fit comfortably into the rim. If the hole in the rim is at the wrong angle the spoke is not going to reach it or go through it.

I hope this makes things a little clearer for you.

 

Holy Molly - More was to follow from another.........

 I would suggest that wheel building is not really something that you just have a go at and would in most cases it be left to the professionals as alot can go wrong.

But guys - Ya need to trust me......I'm Alberticus Wobblyrimicus.......What can possibly go wrong ????
Maybe they are right (for once) so new rim ordered to fit my requirement.....proper special it is...
In the meantime.....I'm tightening my whisker, stroking my crystal and hoping I can pick a bit of Caroline up.
(Radio Caroline that is)
Oy Posh ! Point the Space Beam over 'ere, I can't find mi flagon......

The National Collection - Vinta-vinegar

Hello everybody in Google Internetshireshire World....
Hopefully my G4 phone filter is on maximum and only Vintafaker fans using yesteryears technology can track progress in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' #......I'm not going to allow any Vintaknowhow to be tabletised.#..
Old Skool - #..........Old family values........Love and Peace man !
Ssshhh! Keep the chuffin noise down, can't hear fu*k all on this old P.Y.E. valve set...... ###
It's Sunday night....It's 8.00p.m.  It's the Vintafaker...Life from the Lyceum Ballroom, Blackpool

 #####.....Hang on ! Stray hash tags are filtering thro'..........Let me just turn my super hash tag bakerlite dial to receive only amplitude modulation...wwoooo...wwwoooooo...zzzzzbbbbb....zzzwwwooobbbbb.....
Ahh ! That's better.
Here is the Vintafake news....
Today, Albert Crackleport took delivery of the first shipment of vinegar. This is part of the National Vinegar Collection.....More will be following as transport from it's present location in Morrisons supermarket allows.

 'I' Albert Cracklevinicus intend to amass the largest volume ever before accummulated. National security is of the uttermost importance so I can't at this stage reveal any more about 'Operation Chip Condiment'.
Old Picklington preserving juice will also be recycled during the mission....

Store this vinegar safely Posh. Last thing we need now is some bloody idiot taking a drink of the stuff.
By the way ya buxum filly.....it's flagon time......Operation Treacle Porter has commenced.......
This is the Vintafake G4 phone free channel shutting down for the evening........
God save the Queen............

B.S.A. Proper Stopper Part 2

Hello and welcome to the Vintafake Grotto.
Indeed - A small place on planet earth where homebrewed ale flows never ending into Pewter Jugglingtons and old motorsickles retire to see their days out in glorious oily surroundings.......
Hey - Don't get the idea 'Jugglingtons' are big boobies ! Nay and thrice nay.........a Jugglington holds life enriching juices and is a pleasure to have pressed against ones mouth !
Jugglington - Fluid holding object with large hand grip !
 So, whats the buzz in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' Albert old chap ?
Having placed (for look-see only)  the most powerful brake B.S.A. ever made between the stirrups it was time to look around for something that is called a wheel rim.
Well...........I ask you.....Is there a national shortage of wheel rimmies ? Ebay, the worlds scrapyard had plenty offered but pricey ! I don't do pricey !
Cheap is best.....and I found a beaut. £5 Yep...a whole fiver! I won the Ebay auction....the treasure was mine. Not only that but it had once gone round and round at the front of a 1950s B.S.A  B31.
Come 'ere mi little darlin' ..........Alberts got a job for ya.....

Smart ? No, don't want smart.............and don't want chrome either..........
Paint stripper first......

Bit of chrome destroying rubby rub rub with emery cloth had me feeling like I am on the right lines....

 But, by heck chief...This is 'ard work.
Blasting will probably roughen the surface enough for painting.....
But..........

 This job is far tooooo big for my free Ikea sandblasting cabinet with the greenhouse window top....
Drat, job now on hold waiting further thoughts.........
Posh ! Ya saucy serving wench.............I need one of ya best Jugglingtons, and I need it now !
Life can be so cruel at times.....

Greetings Vintagooglers. Alb here.
News update from the Kingdom of Vintaland........
So, the BSA cast iron speed retarder was left lying between the fork legs and feeling pretty damn pleased with itself, (and wouldn't you be coming to live in the homebrew centre of planet earth?)
Nah good if ya all seized and gnarly though......nope, silky smooth and ready for action is far better....
There's work ta be done...
Thanks to a couple of applications of hot flame from Big Berthas largest nozzle and a drizzle of old engine oil on the rusty bits the nuts were soon spinning and the levers were soon going up and down just as BSA intended....Sheer luxury...
Off with the brake plate and behold.....what a bonny sight. Inside - just like new !!!!

Not only were my eye ballies savouring the sheer deliciousness of unmolested steel, but my nose was also being treat to the most sensuous perfume......aromatic BSA grease...mmmmmmmmmm smell the tallow......
Serious bit - Let's just pause and think a minute.............That very splodge of tallow grease was wiped round the wheel spindle before 'man landed on the moon'........ before.......'England won the World Cup'.......While the Beatles were banging out 'Love Me Do' down at the Cavern Club..........

and best of all before -
Before - MOBILE PHONES..........BLACKBERRIES.............TABLETS.......and HASH TAGS....!!!!!!!!
Eeeeeh we've come a long way haven't we................eer nope ! But mi tallow grease has....

Come 'ere...let me get mi finger reet in that vintage lube....I'm luvin this !!!!!!!!!!
(Those of a nervous disposition look away cause things are gonna get brown and slimey...)

After a good clearing it was time for a thorough examination.
Albert steps back in amazement.............
The BSA wheel spindle diameter is identical to the Yamaha Virago spindle diameter.....
This has all the makings of a Japanese Empireshireshire communist plot......
Note how spindle fits tight between the legs......

Until this can all be explained keep a look out for small men in kimonos carrying dart firing umbrellas....
Just thinking - Bet Tightie-Whitie ain't been dipping the tallow today.....(Clean undies ain't everything)
Hey Posh - Get me flagon filled up.....It's way past first glug time.

B.S.A. Proper Stopper

Greetings Blogfakers, Albert here.
What's new in the world of shedgineering. Hey ! That's another new word ! Crikey, they slip off the tongue like a well rounded cider...Hardly have to explain 'shedgineering' do I ? It happens all the time here in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar', the vintafake capital of Blighty.
Well I got meeself some almighty stopping power. Yep !. Real nautical sea bed stuff to slip between the forks of the VBobber.....should cut the knots with eye popping retardation....
 Ka.... Ka... Ka...ain't that reet Olive ya curvy flagon filler....

But beefure yas all can see mi new VBobber bling 'av got ta dig mi way ooot t'at bar.
Is that a small flurry of snow we have before us ?

Behold.....I present my B.S.A. part. (British Sea Anchor)
Solid English iron...........
Seized and Crusty......... (just as we like em in Yorkshireshireshire)

Fill my flagon Posh.....The Tightie-Whitie brigade of L.A. ain't got one of these babies.....

Headlampius Mantodea Part 8 - Shaping my rammers

Greetings to all you enthusiastic Vintafaker blogspot readers. And greetings to those who are less enthusiastic after stumbling on this informative jotting by accident, it's ok....you'll live !!!!!
Anyway's I'm here !!!! Yes.it's me - Albert Cracklefrostyport. Despite the covering of snow and the ever stream of condensation dripping from the roof of 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' onto my Barnet Fair I have been busy. The way I see it is the long and winding road to Virago imortality will never be reached if I don't persevere against all odds.
So, today I raised enough mojo to make a small but perfectly functioning tool.
Below - I bring before you the one and only Crackle-bar-tweeker. Mk1.

It would have been impossible for me to make this most useful workshop aid without raiding my stock of  well seasoned 25mm angle iron. (In fact if the council workers hadn't left it outside my gaf overnight in the shape of a roadsign to warn of dangerous roadworks I would have been lumbered......no iron - no tweeker)
Rub the rust off, bit of a waft with the MIG, cut a guiding channel in the brass forming die on the old Myford and hey, rock and roll, bring on the good times.
More Big Bertha blowtorch action and before you know it the rammers each have a couple of sexy bends.

More to do but the end is in sight...
Hey Posh ! - Is it flagon time ? - You betcha !

Headlampius Mantodea Part 7 - India joins Blighty

Greetings Vintachaps. I have news.....This week a small part of India declared diplomatic immunity!
Yes, the Madbull Genuine Replica Royal Enfield Delhi Headlight is now officially 'BRITISH'

Before our happy headlighty could be accepted into Blighties Virago Wonderland (The Old Sidevalve Bar)
the upper mounts had to undergo further fabrication. Previous blogs have shown various bits of turned brass masquerading as useful VBobber components ...the time was upon us, they now had to become united....
Big Bertha would crank up the heat....I would apply flux and silver solder....
But before all that could happen, the aforementioned turnings were wired into position.

Flame on ! -

Then, more lathe time. Turned a couple of 'rivet type' fastening screws from a piece of brass scrap and with matching threads also cut into the mounting bobbins all of a sudden the Headlampius Mantodea is becoming not just a dream but almost reality...

Then, the 'BRITISH' Headlighy could be gently hoisted into position for a project review..A stand back full eyeful....Phew ! Sweet !

No where near finished yet but feel the vibes from that little beaut !

Hey Posh fill mi flagon reet ta' top....here's to Vicky the cor blimey Delhi headlighty queen....
I'll bet The Prince of Tighty Whities ain't got 'owt like these on his Vintafake lookalike H.D.