Monday, 21 March 2011

Huntin' in the moon light

No progress tonight. Sometime between the stripping of Heidi and yesterday (the night of the Big Moon) I had managed to loose the exhaust gasket. It had to be found......
There's nothing worse than a flue that blows gas out from any old direction..........
No rusty orifice was left unturned in the search.
It didn't take long, I found it in an old margarine tub full of Virago differential gears.
Success !

Just thinkin'...........will this Big Moon have an effect on Heidi.................will she suck the blood of any young choir boy that happens to ride her pillion....................

Oooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhooooooooooooo !

Well I for one ain't riding Heidi after dark till I know ! (and I ain't no choir boy either !)

Sunday, 20 March 2011

Today I've been mostly...........

Albert here, after all the fuss with the illegal Bettaware men it was good to get down in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' and get a full day of fettling Heidi. Well, almost !

First there was another important job to do, the bottling of 40 pints of Rhubarb cider. Tempus Fugit and all that.....when it's time to bottle it's a case of drop everything and start syphoning.
Just as expected, my plan to brew on the fruit resulted in a scrumpy like brew with various 'rhubarb bits' going into each bottle, despite filtering through a baking sieve. Hum ! I'm not sure the 'girls' are gonna like the bits catching on their tonsils as a mouthful goes down but I'm up for it and I know several guys who are willing to take a risk......We will see....
Right back to business.....Where was I ?
Ah, yes.....
First the wheel was given a good soaping as well as the brake back plate, a new set of brake shoes sourced on line last week were then duly fit, a bit of Granvilles finest lube on the moving bits and hey presto....tick Non working brake of the list.....this little baby will stop on a sixpence.
(Add a new set of wheel bearings for good measure, in for a penny in for a pound)

Now, it's one step forward and one back, just when things are looking good something trips ya up......With the wheel out it was obvious there was a front fork problem.....Heidi seemed to have not only a lot of slop in the back to front direction but also a lot of Boing Boing in the up and down direction........Drat ! and double Drat ! Off with one of her legs for a better look. With a bit of pulling and tugging all was laid on the bench to view. The poor girl had hardly any lubrication left....this had caused wear in a forward-aft direction
Maybe your Uncle Albert could use one of his dodges here and turn the leg a quarter turn. Fit new fork seals and lubricate as specified and once again all was rosy with Heidis front bump buffers.

Crikey ! what a pace..........brake done, forks !

Torn gaiters will never do......

Superglue..........reet grand, stuck solid.

Thats all for now folks, the sun is nearly past the yardarm and that means time to fill mi flagon and reflect on life.

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Beware !

News Flash - Communication deep into Eastern Germany has been taking place over the last couple of days concerning Heidis brakes and how best to get her grabbing tightly again. It started off ok but phew ! could have been more than the 'Iron Curtain' it could have been the 'Final Curtain'

For I.....Albert Crackleport...was almost misled by 2 tricksters. Former Black Forest cuckoo clock constructors and laterday M.Z. front spindle fettlers, I truly believed they were racing brake technicians.

Beware dear friends of Dr Caligari and Igor Golem. They are not what they seem.

Yes.... they had worked in the old M.Z. factory.......but only until they were exposed !

For underneath those brown warehouse coats were 2 of Europes most wanted......Master minds at organising the illegal imigration of at least 1000 Bettaware Salemen into the UK over the last 10 years. You have been warned ! Do not buy 'Instant Drain Unblocker' from strangers.....

Excitement over, I had to turn my attentions to Heidis brake. It was just me and her ! The 2 of us searching for answers to a mystery that had puzzled Lord Timberlake for many years. How come when a big handful was pulled the world seemed to progress at the same speed.......?

Mystery over, behold, for after much bashing with Thor on a stiff spindle all was revealed.

The poor girl had no linings left. The only retardation was achieved by the lever grinding on the wheel hub

Painful !

How good is that ? Mystery solved and less Bettaware men roaming the streets of Blighty. I'll say thats a very very very good week.................
Albert over and out.

Sunday, 13 March 2011

Bold and Brash

A Blighty spring fit for a German Frauline. Oh yes. The choice has been made. Heidi has had the pick of Alberts special tin. Which one ?
Crikey ! ! ! She like her adorements bold and brash. The biggest and best in town.
Well you've got to agree she deserves it after hiding in the shadows of Ducatis and BMW's which have shared her damp abode for many years.
Listen guys - a word of warning... There's enough power in that spring to pop anyones cork, or even everyones cork together if need be.....
I think it suits her....

Do you ? Notice the 'old hasbeen tiddler' lying along side. No comparison.

More hot news........incoming at this moment...........I've had an email from Dr. Caligari and his assistant Igor Golem. They claim to be top M.Z. racing brake technicians and are offering to advise on Heidi's poorly front stopper. Hum......will keep you posted on this one

Albert over and out.

Saturday, 12 March 2011

Incoming news flash

News alert from 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'
I stand before you fellow countrymen......a better man ! A trusted being of Blightys heritage.
Yes.....I am the chosen one. Picked from many hopefuls to hold and protect the 'National Spring Collection'. Held for countless years in the county of cornish pasties it has now travelled north to the land of Yorkshire puddings and it's rightful home alongside other rare (but secret) objects in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'. A huge tin treasure chest (which probably many years ago held the Royal Chocolate Digestives) has protected this delicate assortment of steel coils from the ravages of time. The gorgeous aroma of mill oil that wafts up when opening the aforementioned container has to be experienced to be believed.........wonderful......truly magnificent.....

I shall be bestowing one of these rarities on Heidi. Which one ? Whichever fits best.......
May the measuring commence.........

Sunday, 6 March 2011

Phew !

Had a bit of success last night ! A win ! On top of starting a master brew of Rhubarb Cider what more can a chap want ?
Let me tell you the tale of my win, by the narrowist margin....phew.
Among other duties your old Uncle Albert has been searching high and low for a spring. For at least 2 weeks I have left no oily crevice unturned....

Poor Heidi had suffered a couple of breakages in her little coily thing and a replacement was needed. Her clutch puller was all sloppy and thats not good.

Now you would have thought that finding a suitable piece of twisted wire would have been no problem..........Hum.....think again................Looked everwhere to no avail. Last alternative was to email Martin at Burwins M.Z. A helpful guy who usually comes up trumps. Not this time, (well not quite) You see I was so desperate I would have bought one .............but not joined to half the clutch mechanism.....drat ! and double drat !

Only one alternative - Time to search the big online junkyard where fortunes are made and usually lost.

Ebay search - 'Assorted Springs'

Guess what ? A biscuit tin full of 'um at £1.70 with 3hrs to go.

What would you give for such a rare thing in the time of need ? I put £10.20 on the phantom bidder to more than cover my estimate and waited, waited, and waited. Crikey ! there's a world shortage of the things !
Your old Uncle Albert scrapped in with his max bid ! I now own hundred and hundred of springs.

Spring anyone ? Quid each ?
I'll let ya know if theres one Heidi size (small and perfectly formed) when they arrive............ fingers crossed.
In the meantime Vintafaker fans keep in touch.
Alb signing off......

Saturday, 5 March 2011

Time Off

It's me ! Albert.....
Today I've been mostly boiling ! Yep, It happens once a year and the 'window of opportunity' is so small that it's all hands to the pumps..........producing a rare brew indeed. In fact so rare nobody, and I mean nobody knows the recipe but me. Yes indeed ! Albert is the only one.

Recipe ? Oh yes, scribbed on a stone slab millennia ago, a life giving elixir so powerful that even I, stalwart of the 'Fallin Down Cider' have been known to stumble after only wetting my lips with the liquor..........

I'm talking about 'RHUBARB CIDER'........................feared by many, tasted by few.

Well anyway, thats whats been buzzin down 'the Old Sidevalve Bar' today. Slightly different to previous brews 'cause I'm brewing on the 'fruit', rather than filtering the rhubarb juice into the fermenter.

Why oh brew master ?

Well I want this years brew to have a rough edge, scrumpy like texture.....just imagine all those stringy things from the rhubarb skin getting stuck in ya teeth as ya wash down a jug or 2 before the lights go out.........literally.

Oh yes................Rhubarb Cider 'with bits'. Luxury !

Listen guys, don't worry about Britt, Ingridd, Anni-Frid, Ingerborg and of course Brunhilde, I'll be updating them with news on Heidi soon. They'll wait ! (They'll have to ! I'm mid-way thru boiling mi rhubub !)

Alb over and out......................

Wednesday, 2 March 2011

M.Z. People...?

Amazin' -
Yep! as I contemplate the next move on Heidi in a cold damp 'Old Sidevalve Bar' across the miles in Scandanavia the 'Liberated Stockholm M.Z. Lady Riders Club' have been in touch via email.

As well as wishing Heidi a speedy recovery from the complex removal and replacement of vital components 'L.S.L.R.C. stalwarts Britt Eklandstripteastrad and Ingrid Bergmanhauslovalot have not only invited Heidi over for convalescing but invited Heidi's favourite 'rider' over for a weekend of kroppkakor and sauna too.

Who's Heidis favourite rider ? Will the guys in Blighty draw straws ? or draw daggers at dawn ?Will it be Lord Timberlake desendent of the posh upper crust gentry or will it be Crackleport desendant of the lowest socioeconomic position in society the Dried Crust and Dripping Quoffers.

Only time will tell.....................

'Hurry over boys - Stockholm awaits'.... xxxxxxx luv ya !

I'm thinkin' there's more to this M.Z. ownership than meets the eye..........