Tuesday, 18 June 2013

The BSA B31 that time forgot - Part 2

Keanu C. here peeps. No lectures tonight on the future of humanity, just a delightful medley of shots when the forgotten B31 came out into the sunlight for the first time in over quarter of a century.
I'll lay my cards on the came out because I was planning on selling the old girl.
Offered for a song to a secret contact in Belgium.........he didn't buy. Now one of us made a mistake....was it him for not flashing the Euro or me for not finalising the deal and cutting the asking price?
Hey, my bloggychums only time will tell.

Da da daaaa ! 1956 British Small Arms in no particular order.

So, there it is. The transformation of some of the parts into primer was also done in 1979. These were then wrapped in newspaper and stored in plastic bags. The paint looks as good today as it did then......
Blimey, that wuz when paint was real paint - before Elf and Saftee got involved.......when ya could buy what ya wanted and waft it around in ya garage with just an old hankie tidied over ya nose for air filtering....
Whoops...nearly got on mi soap box again.....

Posh ! Fill both mi flagons wi ya strongest throat lube..............
I'm gonna celebrate.....

Monday, 17 June 2013

The BSA B31 that time forgot - Part1

Greetings blog readers - You are one of only a few left on our planet able to read and understand my messages........I am transmitting from a conventional P.C. keyboard......and green teeth monitor.  You must be receiving on the same compatible hardware ? Be aware all conventional methods of communication are breaking down....... We must resist the evil that is have not got long to stabilise humanity, before long our offsprings will be a slaves to mind numbing (and butt numbing) technology......
Surely the young kids of today care about internal combustion engines? Petrol, oil and sparks ?????
Do not under estimate the threat of the Matrix ! The information is freely available in Wiki-peeedia..
Click the links........If you don't believe me you surely believe Jimmy Wales (wiki fruitcake founder)

 Earth is dominated by sentient machines that were created early in the 21st century and rebelled against humanity. At one point, humans attempted to block out the machines' source of solar power by covering the sky in thick, stormy clouds. However, the machines devised a way to extract humans' bioelectricity and thermal energy by growing people in pods, while their minds are kept under control by cybernetic implants connecting them to a simulated reality called the Matrix

I, Albert Keanu Crackleport will challenge The Matrix and all it stands for by bringing back to life a valuable relic. This relic (and family heirloom) , a BSA B31 (once the epitomy of Blightys domination on world motorcycle production) was thought lost for ever. Nay, and thrice nay, It has laid dormant in boxes for over quarter of a century in my garage......some parts may be missing...some parts need funny sizes of spanners, and some parts are that rusty they are unrecognisable. In the next edition of  The Vintafaker v The Matrix we will look closely at the task that lays ahead.

Posh, everything is going green and binary coded............1 0 1 0 1 0 0 0 1 1 1 1 1
Does that mean I need a flagon or have had one too many.?

Whatever.............I'll have another just to be sure...........

Thursday, 13 June 2013

Who's counted the balls ?
Yep, ya all thought I had just 2 in the air............I know, 2 is plenty for most chaps, but here in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' us special chaps are a little bit more capable and better equiped for adventures on the wild side.
Oh yes. It's not ofetn (hang on let me spell it again.....often.....bloody keyboard...who's jumbled the letters?...) indeed it's not often that us men folk get a chance to multi task.....Phfffffff  Yeah right been doing it for years but don't tell Posh.........
3rd ball thrown into the air for the enjoyment of Vintafans worldwide then is the latest addition to the Crackleport project list.....The down side of all this ball throwing for those with reduced brain power (due to mobile phone radiation damage obviously - and don't come on the Vintafake channel looking for sympathy - tough bloody luck) is that keeping up with the blog could prove to be difficult. For those who haven't fried their heads with shopping apps and stray T.V. soap tweets it will still be pretty easy peasy lemon squeezy to keep up with the news.....

Tonight I shall be introducing my BSA B31.....The poor old thing has been in boxes for over 30 years...I was thinking that it wouldn't take up as much room if it was in one piece. Pretty poor reason at my age to start getting involved with old Whitworth spanners but an added incentive is the new UK ruling that excluded pre1960 vehicles from needing MOT's......what were the goverment thinking ? ...Who gives a sh*t....
Power to the people....

Here's a picture of the BSA in 1979........ just before the strip down.

I'll just run it by the fried head brigade again.....S L O W L Y .
Ball 1 - V.Bobber......correcting design errors and helping achieve world domination for cowboy boot wearing owners with large moustaches......and that's just the Polish Sausage Stuffing Chicks .....chicks ?
Ball 2 - Building a wheel of such roundness it will encourage Perpetual Mobilie.
Ball 3 - Breath life into the BSA B31 that time forgot.

Hang on, Ball 1 and 2 are the same project...................
A L B E R T ! You've only really got two balls to play with in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' after all !

Well on that saddening note I shall raise a flagon to the ball that never was........Alas we knew it well..
Posh ! Hold these balls tightly, I don't want to loose another......

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Balls in the air ? Oh, yes....plenty of them around these parts.
Whilst the dwellers in the man cave get used to the sight of a big black circly fing, your scribe Albert has hot footed back to 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'. Indeed the mojo juice is flowing and I don't want to waste a drop.
Oilyracer Krazy Koen had made a special trip over to Blighty to help consume some of the dangerous wobble inducing Rhubarb what better time than the present to heave the VBobber out of hybernation and into the open air for an all around eyeball and final fitting of the Headlampius Mantodea . Blimey what a weight, despite the trimming and drilling these Viragos are heavvvvvvvvvvvvvvy dude..........

 It's hard to believe that this faithful replica of a BSA Gold Star headlight was once an oil drum in Delhi ! How do those punjabi metal bashers do it for the money!......and more to the point why ?

Next job was to fit the 2 ramming bars that had been formed with precision and care during the long hard winter of 2012......The bars hopefully will stop any tendency for the headlight to turn into a searchlight at the dark........going into a corner.......on an unlit road...................eeeeeeeeeeekkkkk!

Now it's time to stoke up Big Bertha's fire.....Some like it HOT ! We do at 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'. Any chance to get a head of steam up and we're in ! Flame on, flux and tin....all in one neat operation.

Headlampius Mantodea - In all it's glory. Now don't that just make ya real happy.????

Hey ! Posh....come and look at the view from where I'm sat..........and don't forget mi flagon..
I've got a reet thirst on wi all that soldering.

Till the next time vintachumblies- don't let the gypsies near ya phone apps, they'll weigh owt in for scrap.....!

Thursday, 6 June 2013

Meanwhile down in the Man Cave.....

Oh...where was I ?
Aarrr yes....I was finking, in fact I was finking and finking more. Finking of how big a round thing needs to be to be useful.  Then I did a bit of doing. Wheels can't be rushed you know. To make a fine wheel takes time. So, whilst Racquel supplied the odd jugglington and the occasional apatosaurus leg to suck on I continued in my lonesome quest.
Well maybe not lonesome because there are 2 of us on the planet Earth dedicated to putting right the evil that has rained on us from Planet Virago...Yes, travelling time machines called Virago XV535s and Viragooo XV750's are contaminating the smaller brained homo sapians and making them believe they are butch babe magnets. Haha! How we laugh !!

Hey world look at my black ring - for this is mucho masculineeeee machineeee

Raquel - shut ya eyes love......this is a mans game.....

In fact get under the bear skins wi me, I'll protect ya from that naughty black ring.......Uuuggg Uggghhh !
Ya safe now.......

Vintafaker and Oilyracer - your Superheros against Evil Viragos