Monday, 5 October 2015

It's just a wheel Jim....but not as we know it..Part 5

The Crackleport transmission channel has been finely tuned to the old  'cats whisker'...
Why?.....a window of opportunity has suddenly opened through the G4 smog. It would be foolish not for me to send a message out from planet earth whilst the old skool technology still allows....(and more importantly still exists).A message to other life forms via iron pyrite crystals,.who or what will receive them?  Vintafake fans for sure and possible Blightys government secret listening station may pick up the odd stray modulation as this jotting beams out into far off galaxies. I know they listen, why not? They know it makes since!!!!
So, after much ado the rear wheel spoking can now begin. The transponder is buried deep in the hub, the hub and rim are coated in a couple of coats of 1 x pack polyurethane. 

Martin at Hagons had sent me not only the spoke spec but a detailed picture of the spoking pattern. All I have to do now is follow his instructions to build me a wheel that is unique.

The only 19" Virago rear in captivity will soon be mine.

Truing to a billionth of a millimeter for extra speed stability.

Posh! Splash some ale in mi flagon.....can't tighten spokes with a dry throat....
Oh and I think my whisker has gone out of tune, can you give it a tickle????

Wednesday, 29 July 2015

Ssshhhhh keep ya voices down. Careless talk costs lives.

What started out as a simple upgrade in rim size is becoming a dangerous game of collecting intelligence..... Who's collecting it and why has yet to be established. Surely The Old Side valve Bar and all the stalwarts that have ever got drunk in it have diplomatic immunity? It would be an absolute scandal if any Vintafake secrets fell into the wrong hands......

However life continues despite the odds. The Virago rear hub was thoroughly stripped of oil and corrosion and along with the unique 19"er was sprayed black with old skool 1 pack polyurethane. Bearings washed and repacked with grease...but before reassembly there was one important task.
I'd decided to drop the transponder down into the hub centre before fitting the bearing.

It could have some importance....possibly way beyond my understanding...maybe a signaling device to a far away galaxy? ....When ya Uncle Albert has sucumed to the 4G phone radiation and the earth is about to be swallowed into the matrix the transponder will signal help from another time and dimension....

At least I will have played my part.....The Trovan 300 Transponder is safe in my hands.
It was my destiny to keep it until needed..........I"ll do it because I can,

ID 300 Industrial Transponder (.5" dia.)
ID 300 Industrial Transponder
  • Designed for use in extremely harsh environments
  • High-vibration tolerance
  • Dimensions: 13 x 5mm
  • Weight: 1,4g
  • Storage temp:-40°C to +180°C
  • Operating temp:-40°C to +85°C
  • Environment: IP67
  • Vibration: random -20 -2,000Hz/10g/1 hr.p.Axis sine -20 -2,000Hz/5g/1 hr.p.Axis

Posh, forget the intergalactical signal beacon it's off line tonight......

A dark beer with a big frothy top would be just the job though.

Tuesday, 28 July 2015

It's just a wheel Jim....but not as we know it..Part 4

So, how good did my package look posing in the sun behind The Old Side valve Bar?...
Impressive even if I do say so myself...a shiney19". Believed to be the biggest in Viragoland. Oh yes!!!!!!
I took a few final measurements to check rim offset then started stripping the wheel to salvage the hub. The tyre put up a fight, but was beaten into submission when I used large woodwork clamps to break the bead. Don't mess with ya Uncle Albert!!!!! He doesn't like it.
Tyre off and time to attack the spokes. Those that refused to turn in an anticlockwise direction didn't get any second chance. I ran then through with a fast spinning 5" cutting disc. The power of the grinder.........

Hang on! What's that silicone blob on the inside of the rim. Partially disguised in amongst all the rust....It's not just silicone it's some sort of weight...Huh, wheel balancing before tyre fitting? Strange, but Virago owners do have a few funny ways.

Closer inspection revealed manufacturing code...AEG TROVAN 300.
Blimey, Google search suggests it's a transponder.... Hey, who's watching who?
I'm data tagged and didn't know it. My location and movements constantly being transmitted to a government listening base. Which government? .Possibly put there by Spectra secret agent Rosa Klebb at the height of the cold war

Well there hasn't being much movement of this wheel since I dragged it out of a coal shed 
in Bolton at least 5 years ago, so old Rosa has probably retired from dangerous assignment's involving Virago's. Which is a good job because we don't wear shoes like hers here in Yorkshireshire. No good for bopping...

Posh put that dagger away and pour me a cold ale. I've gotta think what we do with this secret transmitter. Best secret though is big brother doesn't know I know...for now we carry on as normal.....but keeping a good look out for anyone in sharp shoes.

Thursday, 23 July 2015

It's just a wheel Jim....but not as we know it..Part 3

So many wheels in the world but no wheel like the wheel I want....
How come? Wheels have been turning since woolly mammoths ran through the countryside scaring the shi* out of Fred Flintstone and his chum Barney......
Yet no-one has ever neeeeeeeeded a Virago 19" rear.....Puzzling and becoming challenging at the same time.....this is obviously new ground that your Uncle Albert is treading on....and the need to succeed is certainly a good reason to keep drawing vintafaking work is not done yet......good job my mind is as sharp as a razor, there will be a solution somewhere, I just need to find it.

As I contemplated finding another hub that would accept a 19"er and more importantly could be adapted to take a shaft drive and brake I came across Hagons on my googling Known mainly for shocks they also claim to be wheel building specialists.
Alf he was one of my hero's when I was fact before I ramble anymore I'm gonna post a picture of the chap giving his V twin JAP a big handful. First guy to do over 200mph in the UK......way back in 1968. Crackin' stuff

So, here's me in 2015 ringing his shop and asking if they can help...
"Of course, no problem" was the answer from his son Martin.
 It was as if time and space had shifted into line to seal my destiny.
"It's your lucky day, we have a Virago rear hub in the workshop at the moment. It's in for an 18" rim fitting. I can work out the spoke lengths for a 19" and let you know prices. Give me a ring this afternoon.....
Phew....Lucky day indeed. I put it down to the cosmic shifting of the universal fault lines....
Cost? £38.33 for the rim and £52.08 for the stainless spokes + £16.96 for nickel plated brass nipples..
All of a sudden everything is fitting into the limits of the Crackleport piggy bank. What with delivery within a week it would be rude not to flash the cash and order straight away.

Posh!!!!!! Pour me a jug of The Old Side valve Bars finest brew....this ain't gonna be any old rear wheel, this is gonna be a wheel with Hagon genes....How lucky am I?

Less than a week after talking to the guys at Hagons I'm in receipt of a big package...hopefully containing unique and never before manufactured deliciousness.
Posh likes a fair sized package but this one is an eyewaterer.....

Not only did the package contain the rim and several bags of different length spokes it had instructions to get me started on the buildings poking process...

Bloody well pleased at this point....
Posh!!!!!!!!!! spoke me a wheel .....whoops pour me a beer, I'm going to have a swift gill then read my build instructions in bed.....

Thursday, 16 July 2015

It's just a wheel Jim......but not as we know it..Part 2

So, the pressure was starting to build....2 of the top bananas falling by the wheelbuilding me slightly on edge...What if? What if? What if it can't be done?
Hey, silly man, pull thee sen together.....This is the world of Vintafake.....One man against the world!
Rang a number darn sowf....Anglican Whe** Co......
After a short briefing of my needs the chap at the southern end of the phone said he was very fact he was so busy he didn't have time for our conversation.......phuffffffff!
Fu*k you.....! If you have the last spokes on earth I'm gonna try make my on out of 6" nails and cut my rim from a dustbin lid.....

Spot the grumpy bastard....!!!!!!!
Don't know which one.........but it's a 50\50 bet you get the right answer......probably both are....

Posh! Top me up mi flagon with a dark porter....feeling like I need a bit of dark and smokey tonight...

Tuesday, 14 July 2015

It's just a wheel Jim......but not as we know it...

Furthering frontiers of motorcycle engineering isn't easy.......of course it 'ain't....everyone would be doing it if it was. Good job ya old Uncle Albert middle name is Endurance......This is where shear bloodied mindedness and the fact that the perfect Virago needs to be created (and hasn't yet) has started to take control of normal daily life in The Old Side Valve Bar. Boundaries are not pushed by fuzzy wuzzy Eaton educated choirboys...Oh no, it's gonna take proper chaps with stiff upper lips and oily fingernails to get this project moving.
I don't mind volunteering for the mission 'cos pushing boundaries of human achievement beyond what thought possible despite advice from 'experts' is what I try to do..........
 Chuffin 'EXPERTS'. Phufffff read on......chuffin bullsi* more like.....I'm on a mission ........and don't forget it buster!!!!!

I'm planning to build my 2nd wheel......(I ain't no virgin when it comes to spoke fettling....}.
Wheel building!!!!!.....Only 2 small words..but certainly seems more than that....
Is there some sort of Wheelwrights Masonic Guild?  Protecting trade and maximizing profits...…...…Certainly seems like it with a few of the big cheeses making mountains out of molehills when it comes to providing parts to do my DIY job.
Here's what happened.
To save any embarrassment and possible repercussions I will refer to those afore mentioned Masonic Wheelwrights by initials only...and of course this is just my opinion and therefore doesn't hold much weight in the world of official bullshi*.
Hey, the powers of 'The Lodge' are far spread and the last thing I need is to be jabbed in the ankle with a poisoned umbrella tip as I push my shopping trolley through the supermarket (but just to be on the safe side think I'll wear steel socks).
So, here's the plan. The front wheel of the VBobber has already been reworked with a BSA hub knitted into a 19" rim......phew, that's old skool.'and cool at the same fact Michealangiloistic'!!!!!!!  Of course there's a need for the same sort of old skoolin' at the rear as has been produced at the front. Replace the fat 15"rim with a more slender and identical diametered 19"er. A proper sized diameter that was used to good effect as Blighty achieved world dominance in  motorcycle production..... Too right....Blighty didn't win the war by having small fat wheels.....
(Just thinking....the further ramblings re my opinion and do not suggest any official guidelines to building the world's bestest Virogo!!!!!)

So, as Posh tiptaps on her iPhone I shall continue with this story...Even Enid Blyton couldn't have dreamt this up!!!!
I emailed Central ****** Co.....these guys are top of a Google search.......
Telling them that I want big on an old Virago hub at first got an encouraging response but filling in further details seemed to start the kerchings of register. Below is the reply.
Depending on the above answers, there is still an issue. We cannot work out the spokes sizes (angle, neck length, spoke length, gauge) unless we build the wheel. Cost to rebuild a 36/40 Spoke wheel …. £57.00 + Spokes …… £79.00 for 36/40 Quantity.
The rim will cost  £59.00 for a 19” x WM1 or 2 or 3 & £72.00 for a 2.50” wide rim
Lead time ……. 4 weeks
Return Carriage …. £15.50

Not chuffin likely.....This is Yorkshireshireshire......Ow't for now't....or near now't is a good price, and homebuilding is a must. Insisting that this is a one off complied build that they can't supply parts for but can do in house as a one off is just PANTS...........
I, Albert Crackleport have just had the rag to a bull waved in my mush by some dude who obviously doesn't know who I am.......the heels of my rigger boots are digging in, and the heckles on my keckles have just risen to a level that lights the blue touch paper....
Yes, the fuse has been light......something could go bang.......

Next up on a Google search are the Dev*n R*n Company. According to the word on the street and popular sickle magazines these are the real deal. Advertising that all their rims are UK manufacture is a nice to have but I'm not fussed on this project, most of the other parts are stamped India..
Promising start with a wheel spec sheet emailed to me to fill in with current spoke lengths, crossing patterns, offset etc. Price quoted for the rim was a pricey £90 but hey, I started believing this really was a one off and of course it was UK manufactured. Further correspondence after transmittion of the wheel spec sheet brought an unexpected apologize for a pricing error. The rim was going to be £120..

Here's me measuring offset with an old piece of timber and a steel rule....Hang chuffin accurate does this have to be??????

£120 chuffin quid.….......POSH!      For crying out loud...ya better pour me a beer damn quickly 'cos I'm in danger of having a major palpitation...
FLAGON QUICK......Before I faint....!  Think I'm made of coin?....

Monday, 8 June 2015

Headlampius Mantadius part 9

I'm on a roll….....(and a mission.). The juices of mojo could dry as quickly as they started to flowed........what could be worse than end up squeeky and unlubricated mid flow?
Its a case of making hay while the sun shines.....and making groundbreaking technological advances whilst ya Old Uncle Albert still has blood flowing through his Left Anterior Descending Artery. (Blimey, didn't plan on  this small jotting resulting in a biology class that could possibly help all vintabiologicalists pass 'O' level science.)
My Mantadius's have been pushing firmly forward for a very long time. (Painful in the winter when frost settles on the protruding naked thrusters), time to join the dots and make them earn their keep. Their task until the end of time is to hold the 7" Lucas replica headlight that many moons ago I imported specially from India.
Bolts that befit this work of art are not likely to be found at the local engineering stores or even at the best motorcycle emporiums in Delhi...
I, Albert Crackleport would have to use the full facilities of The Old Sidevalve Bar to manufacture threaded eye candy of such magnitude never before seen in the civilised world.
Large knobs always attract interest, (particularly with the younger chicks, so I'm told) so, I was lucky to be offered a couple that had seen plenty of action years ago but were now being retired. Look on it as a career change, no retirement yet I'm afraid.

Gonna rescue those adjustment screws from a couple of old welding gas regulators, rework them to fit their new purpose, time has come to serve mankind in a useful way again.

Knob threads turned and retapped to suit headlight.....

Delhi-delicious firmly fixed to Headlampius Mantadius

It's near enough to beer o'clock as makes no odds...where's Posh?
Do I have to ask every time?
POSH!!!!!!!!!!  Where's mi pop?