Vinta-Translate

Monday, 15 September 2014

thoughts and stuff....

GREETINGS ! Alobertie here
Glad you tuned in to the old Vintafake blog....because its a small part of digital earth that happens to.....
dunno what it happens to do dudes but hey ! We happen big time on this timeline
Blogging......is it all about gorgeous Raquel Welch shaped motorsickles ? or is it about more than that ?
Hey ! If its about real stuff with curves....... here's where we are at the Old Sidevalve Bar with 'Lovely Maroon'
Bought me some stainless bolts to further the fork fitment project...Phew! man this stuff is just drop dead gorgeous!..Just wanna look and fondle all day long........
Especially that Top Yoke clamping bolt.....just look at the nut on that baby !.....Perfect !
Anyway, looking and fondling don't get nuffin' done so lets fit these stainless deliciousness's into the correct
locations and stand back.....
Phew...Eye candy for sure !

POSH !!!!!!!! I'm overdosing on Maroon'ness......Somethings gonna go pop !
Splash me with ale before I meltdown................









Wednesday, 10 September 2014

Life...and Lovely Maroon

Alberto Cracklecracker here
Ha ! Bet you thought I'd died....No way Dudes,,,,,Like I'm alive and looking and feeeeeling 30 years old...
WHATEVER..........
So, how long has it been since I was starring on your screen...months and moths ago !!!!Moths? 
I'll tell you why it's taken ages aaaand even yonks to get the old Vintafaker transmission fired up....
Well my chum Koen 'Oilyracer' came over for a few home brew flagonsin early August.....and unfortunately didn't reduce the homebrew stocks to zero.....so it's been left to your Uncle Albert to  consume the 'overage' before it went past it's sell by date..... Phew !!!!!! the struggle........the hardship........the dizziness....and the staggers...........
 Nearly there though, so here I am...Back pushing the keyboard to enlighten and educate...
Put the world back on it's rightful path....

It's been a big weekend for me (last weekend) and I just gotta share it.....my Lovely Maroon took a step nearer being rebuilt. It's criminal really, taken apart in about 1978 and just getting around to piecing this most coolest sexy BSA ever built back together.......

Shiney balls.....Yep! I like shiney balls. Bought them in about 1985 and only now are they getting a rubbing of grease.....You know what though.......the bastard that sold them to me short changed me by one.....I was short of a full set......luckly I have a goodly stock of 1/4"ers. The most versatile and fit anything size...
Last thing needed when you approach my age is a ball short......ssshhh don't tell !


 The sun shone and the balls where slippy with lubrication......Phew ! what a treat.....It was worth waiting nearly 30 years just for the privelage of placing them where god intended........

Posh ! Come have a look where my old balls have gone !
FLAGON TIME !!!!! Ooooooohhhhhh weeeee !!!!!





Tuesday, 24 June 2014

Working the white powder Part 4

How good was that ? Angelina stopping by to help Uncle Albert with a bit of his moulding! But a shame the paparazzi spotted a small speck or two of polyfilla on her chest.......

and then made such a big deal about it.
Anyways, luckily there's a secret back exit for quick escapes from' The Old Sidevalve Bar' so young Ang' had to make a run for it......dressed only in an old trench coat and despatch riders boots !
(Defiantly waving the V salute.....obviously meaning get 2 flagons of ale poured Posh....It's nearly bottoms up time
Despite the excitement my master tank badge blank turned out pretty neat. The next step was to be able to make several more identical ones for trial carving of the design.
"It's a good job you have contacts in the false teeth manufacturing business Albert"
"It certainly is" I replied, with a pearly white Donny Osmond style smile.....

Once again a goodly handful of tooth moulding rubber was prepared.
The 50/50 dollops were mixed quickly
and formed around the badge blank.

Same technique as they use in Melton Mowbray when making pies......which are obviously inferior to proper pork pies that are made in Yorkshireshireshire....Guiseley Growler, now there's a reet pie !
Oh, I've mentioned Guiseley Growlers before on this blog but hey why not again?
Here's where they are produced....(see the first floor window, left side)
Back to the mould- Maybe it looks more like a Bakewell Tart than a Melton Mowbary Pie....
or even has the makings of a Cornish Pasty (heaven forbid) 


I could stand it no longer, no way was I gonna mould quality tank badge blanks in a Cornish Pasty lookalike!
Flap disc in the grinder, whizz, whizz and it all looks Yorkshireshireshire quality again....
Like a wonderful Yorkshireshireshire Pudding


There ya go !
From dusty boobies to Guiseley Growlers to Yorkshireshireshire's finest puddings...
Vintafaking is one big adventure...Posh ! I'm waving two fingers at you !
IT MEANS 2 FLAGONS OF ALE PLEASE........ HONEST IT DOES MY DARLING DEAREST !!!!!
Now don't be grumpy......it's past beer time already, I've some suppin' ta do.....

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Working the white powder Part 3. Hollywood to The Old Sidevalve Bar

14th May 2014. Vintafake urgent bulletin.
Breaking news in the 'Showbiz Gossip' columns.
 Yahoo Celebrity Link here
What can I say ? It was brilliant the Angelina came over and helped me model the curvaceous tank badge in the shed over last weekend....But damn, the secret is out ! Now everyone knows that Angelina has had her hands on Alberts polyfilla and mixing stick.....Ah well, just goes to show the popularity of Vintafaking...

Angelina Jolie Has White Powder On Her Face As Arrives At The Normal Heart Premiere With Brad Pitt

Angelina Jolie headed down to the Normal Heart premiere last night in New York and suffered a pretty embarrassing wardrobe malfunction, she had white powder spread all over her face.
How could Ang NOT have seen the white powder over her jawline and forehead or why didn't someone tell her, before letting the 38 year-old step out in front of the cameras. Was Brad having a joke with her?
What's happened to Ang's face? (SplashNews)
The Maleficent star is usually pretty flawless when it comes to her red carpet appearances so we have NO idea what went wrong here. The powder was all over her face and on her chest as she emerged from her car.

Working the white powder. Part 2

I lived.....yes, it's still a secret.....sshhhhh !
Posh didn't suspect that the kitchen has been turned into a plaster casters fun house over the course of her short holiday.........
Nope....it's like it never happened......apart from a large block of polyfilla that now resides like a work of art in the lounge. (That's because it is !!!!)

But how was my Yorkshireshireshire pudding going to end up like Venus De Milo ???

Well I ain't called Albertelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Crackleporti  for nuffin'.....
No sir ! Massaging objects smooth is my speciality.. I've been doing it for years.....in fact since I was a teenager behind the bike sheds.........

Slowly...slowly.........a bit of rubbin' around the edges and we are beginning to see what's inside this eerr Yorkshireshireshire Pudding....


Fitting.... tickling..... refitting and a bit more tickling...maybe with a bit of old skool fettling when needed....
By eck....those old renaissance geezers knew a thing or two about smooth forms that's for sure.....
but I can do smooth too, now where's me feet gone?

Dah Daaa !!!  The polyfilla Yorkshireshireshire Pudding now displays all the qualities of a well polished piece of Italian marble. Smoothing out the rough is one thing.....but I'm now thinking my tank badges needs to have a few well placed contours..... More Sophia Lauren than Venus De Milo


Posh !!!! - Fill my largest flagon and let me reflect on this artistic conception,
or to quote Michelangelo - Bloody luvverly jubberly innit !


.

Saturday, 10 May 2014

Working the white powder

Hellooooo...Albert here.......
http://summer-wine.com/wesley/wesley_pic_2.jpg
Yep ! Look a lot like Wesley Pegden doun' I ?......Now't wrong wi a bit of oil on thee kecks...
Kecks ? Eeeeh bit o Yorkshireshireshire, (and thee don't wanna be going wi out any when it's cooold.)

Anyways old chaps, just like the spring buds.....my mojo has been showing signs of life....Awaken from a winters hibernating refreshed, and eager to forage for excitement...
So, here goes. Once again for your amusement and titillation I shall attempt to create art from shite...

Tank badges for the VBobber. I need some. It just wouldn't be right to stick some BSA ones on now would it...Particularly as the bike is a vastly superior brand......Yes, the tank is some old BSA Gold Star thingy...
Virtually worthless !!!!...So to increase value 10 fold  I shall make my own.
My chum Koen, a.k.a Oilyracer has the knowledge to cast aluminium, all I need to do is make a couple of patterns.

Can I make my patterns out of Polyfilla ? Only time will tell. Hold my hand as we journey on the rocky road to my tank badge destiny... Where it is ? who knows ?.....how long to get there ? who knows ?....who cares?

The fact that Posh is away for the weekend and I therefore have use of various equipment that wouldn't be normally at my disposal had nuffin' to do with my timing on this project.....As long as I clear up by Monday who's going to know ? Who's going to tell ? NOT ME !
First task, I carefully taped a 25mm deep cardboard case around the tank badge area. Quality jammin' cardboard from a Leroy Roots Jamaican cooking sauce kit seemed to work ok.... Bob Marley blasting out 'No woman No pride' really fired up the mojo rhythm........
A bit 'o grease down the thread hole and wiped around the bottom of my newly formed Kingston bun case and I was ready to pour the polyfilla.
By heck ! Looks like a thick yorkshireshireshire pudding....
Left overnight in a safe and warm place...The jammin cardboard casing was slowly peeled back....
And the first stage of casting the pattern is done.....phew! Amazing, (even if I do say so myself).
But.....according to the technical department at the Oilyracer Casting Co my plan to carve the Polyfilla will not succeed.....and worse still, it will take at least a month to dry!
I can (and will) speed the drying process with a kiln I just happen to have the use of this weekend.....
Gas Mark 1 or 80degree (if you have fan assisted electric)      

Whilst the kiln slowly reduces the liquid content of the Polyfilla casting.....
and with no Posh to pour mi ale I guess the next step is to get off my ass and find a flagon and bottle opener.

Stay tuned Vintafake bloggeroos, the next installment of Working the White Powder will be on your screens soon....

Albert - Over and Out !








Monday, 5 May 2014

Cleaning - The Vintafake Way

Greetings Vintafaker Readers.....It is I.....Albertorious Pist-as-a-newt-icus....Nah, only joking, I'm stone cold sobericus..
Boy O Boy, have I been busy today ? Yes, is the correct answer.
May Day Bank Holiday....(Thanks to the Queeeeeeeen....for granting this day of rest for us workhouse pleps...Silly Old bat more like!)
Anyways, didn't want to waste mi' day off.....so......
First jobicus was to get a brew on the bubble. Yep, It's not all about massaging metal into wonderfully useful objects down at The Old Sidevalve Bar....Oh no, some of the shed time has to be used to create alcohollic lovelyness from Malted Grain...
Make's you wonder who invented beer.......and how......well it does me.....Top guys whoever they were!
Possibly some Saxon peasant? ......or an Egyptian mummy stuffer 2000 years BC ? or maybe it was brought to the Aztecs by creatures from another dimension ?........
Who gives a fuc*  I've a full sack to go at, that should make me at least 250 pints.....
Malted in Yorkshireshireshireshire by the way, darn Castleford. (Never 'eard of Casleford, well ya won't have cos we keeping it all secret like)

Whilst the grain was mashing......and the sun was shining.......I was enthused........to do something really, really, really useful....
Tidy the garage !!!!!
I got all the old treasure out..............
Dusted the cobwebs off it all......swept up all the old leaves that had blown under the door...
Squirted every delicious wonderful preciousness with an oily paraffin mix...
and put it all back....exactly as it had been before I started...

And, I didn't throw away anything....not even one nut or bolt !!!!!
Nope, I love this stuff !

Posh ! Pour a flagon and let's slowly inspect each historic artifact....
Oh, and watch ya step, don't slip on the anointing oil !