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Friday, 14 November 2014

Rites of Passage

Greetings blog surfers..... A.C here with another chapter of Cracklestatic v Dr Electromagnetic  ! (3D version available) Glad you are reading this because if you are then it means you are still on the right side of technology.........and still alive. Thank goodness, someones there !!!!!!!!
Yep ! I've been telling you dudes for yonks......WiFi and all this other computor tablet crap is frying mankinds insides. Holy Electrosmog Batman !!! ......If you think you are at risk then repent whilst there's still time !!!
Cleanse your body in the 'R' oils of Castrol.......and deep flush your internals with 'The Cream of Manchester'
In the meantime I've re-set the Special Anti-Smog Vinta-filters so this blog will only will transmit via copper cable.
So there !!!! I ain't gonna be responsible for no E.M.F killer...


Before you all dash off to sever the WiFi umbilical connection to the 'world of digital make-believe' I've important news...
I underwent a most challenging test last weekend.....a test of  knowledge, patience, and more importantly a turning point in life.... Putting my reputation as a Vintafaker on the line. Failure was not an option. Success would earn me the Rite of Passage.
Hum, Rite of Passage usually means cutting skin off a dangly bit to expose a 'bobbies helmet'. No sir...
the route to The Masonic Lodge of Vintafake is through unaided wheel building...and maintaining a hooded knight. (Uncut crowns are discouraged due to their proximity to the hands during ceremonial handshakes)
Enough of the secret ways of the ancients.....! 

The parts are on the bench, let the challenge begin.
It was at least 18months ago I sourced these parts from a specialist. The spokes and rim built to order by 'Butons Bike Bits as they are not standard fitment for the hub.
Parts list - BSA C15 Hub. (Modified to accept Virago axle) 19" rim. Stainless spokes. (treated myself to a set of spoke keys too.)

Tested my home built truing stand before the off

Looks like it might work


After fixing a few spokes into the hub and correct holes in the rim the spoke pattern seemed to find itself...

Hey, maybe this is going to work !

Final couple of spokes.
Spin and start truing...........

Blimey Posh ! I've done it !!!! Lets have a big celebration with my most favorite beer. !
MORT SUBITE (which is exactly what will happen to me if this wheel collapses at speed)

Proper glass too ! 




Saturday, 1 November 2014

Faint heart never won a fair maiden...





Hey Dudes......It's me 'A.C.'
Back for another exciting episode of 'Vintafaker Superhero' and the Battle for Planet Analogue.
Yes, old A.C. your champion gladiator against the evil overlord 'G4 Digital Tablet-man'

So, let's get stuck in........let the mojo juices flow through The Old Sidevalve Bar.......
As the old saying goes..Faint heart never won a fair maiden....in other words ya ain't gonna get anywhere if ya don't try.... and I'm feeling like I need to grind..........to cut............or to saw SOMETHING !.....

Many moons ago I'd cut vent holes in the VBobber back brake plate. A popular race modification when having unleashing the full power of a Virago the need to slow to a respectable 120mph becomes necessary.

It's now the turn of the ultra rare BSA front brake plate to undergo the same treatment. An almost priceless piece of vintage Birmingham alloy is about to be doubled in pricelessness.....


Drilling the corners of the holes and hacking out the middle.........all helped by 'shedjuicemojo'

 Blimey.....Virago and BSA are near a perfect match......Even I have to stand back in amazement....


Before and After....Hands up all who favour the left.........Aye lad, it makes sense, us old guys know best !
What did I tell ya........Faint heart never fucked a pig ! which suits this modified Virago perfectly....cos it never was a fair maiden....


Posh ! I'm thinking we should celebrate with a touch of continental sophistication tonight...
How's about we do a Westmalle in a 'proper' glass chalice ?
Remember....Small sips.....not big gulps...






Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Working the white powder Part 5 or Art ! But not as we know it Jim !


I'm back !   it's me.......Alibertie Cracklesnortie....


Ok, hands up all those who thought I had dropped off the end of the analogue transmitter .......gone for good, an outcast in a sea of G4 touch screen phone ticklers....unwilling to adopt and embrace today's digital normality.  Correct ! No normal here.....only good solid 'old skool' stuff.  My screen doesn't swipe selfies and I'm proud of it !
Selfies........ Swiping images back 'n' forth......What's all that about. Wasn't even invented when I started this blogging lark.....
Ee by eck......Just another total time wasting activity..Mark my words when ya get to the Pearly Gates I'll be betting ya wish ya could have that time back.....Yep, I wasted a total of a 1/3rd of mi life in bed, a 1/4 of mi life taking and swiping silly pictures of mi 'sen and a 1/4 of mi life pasting it all on facebook !!!!!! No way mate...ya not coming thru these gates......!!

Anyway's enough of the Albert life after death improvement tips here's my latest blog page full of quality creativeness. In fact I'd go as far as to say it's real proper art, only possible when two half pissed artists feel the mojo....What you are about to witness is indeed Tate Gallery standard !!!!

So, here's how the project to create a couple of tank badges for the VBobber progressed when Oilyracer Koen visited 'The Old Sidevalve Bar a couple of months ago. My chum Koen went to a real Belgium art college ! I have an Art 'O' Level from1972 ! (Tha' didn't give qualifications away for just turning up when I was small) so we do know what wi doing !!!! Oh yes !

Using the mould I had made with Angelina from tooth moulding rubber way back in June we cast a couple of tank badge blanks in Plaster of Paris.  The process worked brilliant ! Anyone need a full set of falsies casting whilst I have the gear out ? Pearly white smiles could be my speciality.....or a couple of singles to fill the gaps?


Then much sketching of circles.......art-deco style wings.......Marvel comic type speed flashes.......


transferring scribbles on paper to scribbles on plaster.....


Luckily the pepper pot and a couple of tea cups were just the right size to get the rounds.


I'm having AC (for guess who) and some bad ass shark gills (sort of)


Hey, when ya working freehand and by the 'rack of''t eye' ya need a big rubber.......


 Once the design was drawn then it was time to craft the levels with our super professional craft tool....Bought at the local handyman stores (Albert supports local businesses) A 'Silverline scapel'


 It comes with more blades than you could possibly need.......because the handle is so bloody crap there's no way all of them will be used ! What do you expect for £3...a lifetime guarantee ???
Quality tools man !
Much scalpelling with the precision of a surgeon brought out the detail in the Plaster of Paris pattern.
My hand shock as I offered the carving into the badge orifice of the old BSA tank...the blurred image catching the very moment one of a kind met mass produced...
Pheeewww  Weeee!!!!!!
Now to make a matching pair !!!!!!!



The 'AC Special' VBobber has taken a step nearer completion....


The two Plaster of Paris tank badge patterns have now being transported safely to a secret Belgium Aluminium Casting  Foundry. Here they will be replicated in a special mix of smelted aluminium that contains at least 50% Triumph Bonneville engine casings......

From the ashes of a Virago a Phoenix is rising.........A Bobber of Bobbers.......

Posh !!!!!  It's beer o'clock.......Let's get stuck in !!!!

Monday, 15 September 2014

thoughts and stuff....

GREETINGS ! Alobertie here
Glad you tuned in to the old Vintafake blog....because its a small part of digital earth that happens to.....
dunno what it happens to do dudes but hey ! We happen big time on this timeline
Blogging......is it all about gorgeous Raquel Welch shaped motorsickles ? or is it about more than that ?
Hey ! If its about real stuff with curves....... here's where we are at the Old Sidevalve Bar with 'Lovely Maroon'
Bought me some stainless bolts to further the fork fitment project...Phew! man this stuff is just drop dead gorgeous!..Just wanna look and fondle all day long........
Especially that Top Yoke clamping bolt.....just look at the nut on that baby !.....Perfect !
Anyway, looking and fondling don't get nuffin' done so lets fit these stainless deliciousness's into the correct
locations and stand back.....
Phew...Eye candy for sure !

POSH !!!!!!!! I'm overdosing on Maroon'ness......Somethings gonna go pop !
Splash me with ale before I meltdown................









Wednesday, 10 September 2014

Life...and Lovely Maroon

Alberto Cracklecracker here
Ha ! Bet you thought I'd died....No way Dudes,,,,,Like I'm alive and looking and feeeeeling 30 years old...
WHATEVER..........
So, how long has it been since I was starring on your screen...months and moths ago !!!!Moths? 
I'll tell you why it's taken ages aaaand even yonks to get the old Vintafaker transmission fired up....
Well my chum Koen 'Oilyracer' came over for a few home brew flagonsin early August.....and unfortunately didn't reduce the homebrew stocks to zero.....so it's been left to your Uncle Albert to  consume the 'overage' before it went past it's sell by date..... Phew !!!!!! the struggle........the hardship........the dizziness....and the staggers...........
 Nearly there though, so here I am...Back pushing the keyboard to enlighten and educate...
Put the world back on it's rightful path....

It's been a big weekend for me (last weekend) and I just gotta share it.....my Lovely Maroon took a step nearer being rebuilt. It's criminal really, taken apart in about 1978 and just getting around to piecing this most coolest sexy BSA ever built back together.......

Shiney balls.....Yep! I like shiney balls. Bought them in about 1985 and only now are they getting a rubbing of grease.....You know what though.......the bastard that sold them to me short changed me by one.....I was short of a full set......luckly I have a goodly stock of 1/4"ers. The most versatile and fit anything size...
Last thing needed when you approach my age is a ball short......ssshhh don't tell !


 The sun shone and the balls where slippy with lubrication......Phew ! what a treat.....It was worth waiting nearly 30 years just for the privelage of placing them where god intended........

Posh ! Come have a look where my old balls have gone !
FLAGON TIME !!!!! Ooooooohhhhhh weeeee !!!!!





Tuesday, 24 June 2014

Working the white powder Part 4

How good was that ? Angelina stopping by to help Uncle Albert with a bit of his moulding! But a shame the paparazzi spotted a small speck or two of polyfilla on her chest.......

and then made such a big deal about it.
Anyways, luckily there's a secret back exit for quick escapes from' The Old Sidevalve Bar' so young Ang' had to make a run for it......dressed only in an old trench coat and despatch riders boots !
(Defiantly waving the V salute.....obviously meaning get 2 flagons of ale poured Posh....It's nearly bottoms up time
Despite the excitement my master tank badge blank turned out pretty neat. The next step was to be able to make several more identical ones for trial carving of the design.
"It's a good job you have contacts in the false teeth manufacturing business Albert"
"It certainly is" I replied, with a pearly white Donny Osmond style smile.....

Once again a goodly handful of tooth moulding rubber was prepared.
The 50/50 dollops were mixed quickly
and formed around the badge blank.

Same technique as they use in Melton Mowbray when making pies......which are obviously inferior to proper pork pies that are made in Yorkshireshireshire....Guiseley Growler, now there's a reet pie !
Oh, I've mentioned Guiseley Growlers before on this blog but hey why not again?
Here's where they are produced....(see the first floor window, left side)
Back to the mould- Maybe it looks more like a Bakewell Tart than a Melton Mowbary Pie....
or even has the makings of a Cornish Pasty (heaven forbid) 


I could stand it no longer, no way was I gonna mould quality tank badge blanks in a Cornish Pasty lookalike!
Flap disc in the grinder, whizz, whizz and it all looks Yorkshireshireshire quality again....
Like a wonderful Yorkshireshireshire Pudding


There ya go !
From dusty boobies to Guiseley Growlers to Yorkshireshireshire's finest puddings...
Vintafaking is one big adventure...Posh ! I'm waving two fingers at you !
IT MEANS 2 FLAGONS OF ALE PLEASE........ HONEST IT DOES MY DARLING DEAREST !!!!!
Now don't be grumpy......it's past beer time already, I've some suppin' ta do.....

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Working the white powder Part 3. Hollywood to The Old Sidevalve Bar

14th May 2014. Vintafake urgent bulletin.
Breaking news in the 'Showbiz Gossip' columns.
 Yahoo Celebrity Link here
What can I say ? It was brilliant the Angelina came over and helped me model the curvaceous tank badge in the shed over last weekend....But damn, the secret is out ! Now everyone knows that Angelina has had her hands on Alberts polyfilla and mixing stick.....Ah well, just goes to show the popularity of Vintafaking...

Angelina Jolie Has White Powder On Her Face As Arrives At The Normal Heart Premiere With Brad Pitt

Angelina Jolie headed down to the Normal Heart premiere last night in New York and suffered a pretty embarrassing wardrobe malfunction, she had white powder spread all over her face.
How could Ang NOT have seen the white powder over her jawline and forehead or why didn't someone tell her, before letting the 38 year-old step out in front of the cameras. Was Brad having a joke with her?
What's happened to Ang's face? (SplashNews)
The Maleficent star is usually pretty flawless when it comes to her red carpet appearances so we have NO idea what went wrong here. The powder was all over her face and on her chest as she emerged from her car.