Vinta-Translate

Thursday, 23 July 2015

It's just a wheel Jim....but not as we know it..Part 3

So many wheels in the world but no wheel like the wheel I want....
How come? Wheels have been turning since woolly mammoths ran through the countryside scaring the shi* out of Fred Flintstone and his chum Barney......
Yet no-one has ever neeeeeeeeded a Virago 19" rear.....Puzzling and becoming challenging at the same time.....this is obviously new ground that your Uncle Albert is treading on....and the need to succeed is certainly a good reason to keep drawing vintafaking breath......my work is not done yet......good job my mind is as sharp as a razor, there will be a solution somewhere, I just need to find it.

As I contemplated finding another hub that would accept a 19"er and more importantly could be adapted to take a shaft drive and brake I came across Hagons on my googling Known mainly for shocks they also claim to be wheel building specialists.
Alf Hagon....now he was one of my hero's when I was schoolboy....in fact before I ramble anymore I'm gonna post a picture of the chap giving his V twin JAP a big handful. First guy to do over 200mph in the UK......way back in 1968. Crackin' stuff


So, here's me in 2015 ringing his shop and asking if they can help...
"Of course, no problem" was the answer from his son Martin.
 It was as if time and space had shifted into line to seal my destiny.
"It's your lucky day, we have a Virago rear hub in the workshop at the moment. It's in for an 18" rim fitting. I can work out the spoke lengths for a 19" and let you know prices. Give me a ring this afternoon.....
Phew....Lucky day indeed. I put it down to the cosmic shifting of the universal fault lines....
Cost? £38.33 for the rim and £52.08 for the stainless spokes + £16.96 for nickel plated brass nipples..
All of a sudden everything is fitting into the limits of the Crackleport piggy bank. What with delivery within a week it would be rude not to flash the cash and order straight away.

Posh!!!!!! Pour me a jug of The Old Side valve Bars finest brew....this ain't gonna be any old rear wheel, this is gonna be a wheel with Hagon genes....How lucky am I?

Less than a week after talking to the guys at Hagons I'm in receipt of a big package...hopefully containing unique and never before manufactured deliciousness.
Posh likes a fair sized package but this one is an eyewaterer.....


Not only did the package contain the rim and several bags of different length spokes it had instructions to get me started on the buildings poking process...



Bloody well pleased at this point....
Posh!!!!!!!!!! spoke me a wheel .....whoops pour me a beer, I'm going to have a swift gill then read my build instructions in bed.....

Thursday, 16 July 2015

It's just a wheel Jim......but not as we know it..Part 2

So, the pressure was starting to build....2 of the top bananas falling by the wheelbuilding wayside......got me slightly on edge...What if? What if? What if it can't be done?
Hey, silly man, pull thee sen together.....This is the world of Vintafake.....One man against the world!
Rang a number darn sowf....Anglican Whe** Co......
After a short briefing of my needs the chap at the southern end of the phone said he was very busy.......in fact he was so busy he didn't have time for our conversation.......phuffffffff!
Fu*k you.....! If you have the last spokes on earth I'm gonna try make my on out of 6" nails and cut my rim from a dustbin lid.....

Spot the grumpy bastard....!!!!!!!
Don't know which one.........but it's a 50\50 bet you get the right answer......probably both are....


Posh! Top me up mi flagon with a dark porter....feeling like I need a bit of dark and smokey tonight...


Tuesday, 14 July 2015

It's just a wheel Jim......but not as we know it...

Furthering frontiers of motorcycle engineering isn't easy.......of course it 'ain't....everyone would be doing it if it was. Good job ya old Uncle Albert middle name is Endurance......This is where shear bloodied mindedness and the fact that the perfect Virago needs to be created (and hasn't yet) has started to take control of normal daily life in The Old Side Valve Bar. Boundaries are not pushed by fuzzy wuzzy Eaton educated choirboys...Oh no, it's gonna take proper chaps with stiff upper lips and oily fingernails to get this project moving.
I don't mind volunteering for the mission 'cos pushing boundaries of human achievement beyond what thought possible despite advice from 'experts' is what I try to do..........
 Chuffin 'EXPERTS'. Phufffff read on......chuffin bullsi* more like.....I'm on a mission ........and don't forget it buster!!!!!

I'm planning to build my 2nd wheel......(I ain't no virgin when it comes to spoke fettling....}.
Wheel building!!!!!.....Only 2 small words..but certainly seems more than that....
Is there some sort of Wheelwrights Masonic Guild?  Protecting trade and maximizing profits...…...…Certainly seems like it with a few of the big cheeses making mountains out of molehills when it comes to providing parts to do my DIY job.
Here's what happened.
To save any embarrassment and possible repercussions I will refer to those afore mentioned Masonic Wheelwrights by initials only...and of course this is just my opinion and therefore doesn't hold much weight in the world of official bullshi*.
Hey, the powers of 'The Lodge' are far spread and the last thing I need is to be jabbed in the ankle with a poisoned umbrella tip as I push my shopping trolley through the supermarket (but just to be on the safe side think I'll wear steel socks).
So, here's the plan. The front wheel of the VBobber has already been reworked with a BSA hub knitted into a 19" rim......phew, that's old skool.'and cool at the same time.in fact Michealangiloistic'!!!!!!!  Of course there's a need for the same sort of old skoolin' at the rear as has been produced at the front. Replace the fat 15"rim with a more slender and identical diametered 19"er. A proper sized diameter that was used to good effect as Blighty achieved world dominance in  motorcycle production..... Too right....Blighty didn't win the war by having small fat wheels.....
(Just thinking....the further ramblings re my opinion and do not suggest any official guidelines to building the world's bestest Virogo!!!!!)

So, as Posh tiptaps on her iPhone I shall continue with this story...Even Enid Blyton couldn't have dreamt this up!!!!
I emailed Central ****** Co.....these guys are top of a Google search.......
Telling them that I want big on an old Virago hub at first got an encouraging response but filling in further details seemed to start the kerchings of the.cash register. Below is the reply.
Depending on the above answers, there is still an issue. We cannot work out the spokes sizes (angle, neck length, spoke length, gauge) unless we build the wheel. Cost to rebuild a 36/40 Spoke wheel …. £57.00 + Spokes …… £79.00 for 36/40 Quantity.
The rim will cost  £59.00 for a 19” x WM1 or 2 or 3 & £72.00 for a 2.50” wide rim
Lead time ……. 4 weeks
Return Carriage …. £15.50

Not chuffin likely.....This is Yorkshireshireshire......Ow't for now't....or near now't is a good price, and homebuilding is a must. Insisting that this is a one off complied build that they can't supply parts for but can do in house as a one off is just PANTS...........
I, Albert Crackleport have just had the rag to a bull waved in my mush by some dude who obviously doesn't know who I am.......the heels of my rigger boots are digging in, and the heckles on my keckles have just risen to a level that lights the blue touch paper....
Yes, the fuse has been light......something could go bang.......

Next up on a Google search are the Dev*n R*n Company. According to the word on the street and popular sickle magazines these are the real deal. Advertising that all their rims are UK manufacture is a nice to have but I'm not fussed on this project, most of the other parts are stamped India..
Promising start with a wheel spec sheet emailed to me to fill in with current spoke lengths, crossing patterns, offset etc. Price quoted for the rim was a pricey £90 but hey, I started believing this really was a one off and of course it was UK manufactured. Further correspondence after transmittion of the wheel spec sheet brought an unexpected apologize for a pricing error. The rim was going to be £120..

 
Here's me measuring offset with an old piece of timber and a steel rule....Hang on...how chuffin accurate does this have to be??????


£120 chuffin quid.….......POSH!      For crying out loud...ya better pour me a beer damn quickly 'cos I'm in danger of having a major palpitation...
FLAGON QUICK......Before I faint....!  Think I'm made of coin?....


Monday, 8 June 2015

Headlampius Mantadius part 9

I'm on a roll….....(and a mission.). The juices of mojo could dry as quickly as they started to flowed........what could be worse than end up squeeky and unlubricated mid flow?
Its a case of making hay while the sun shines.....and making groundbreaking technological advances whilst ya Old Uncle Albert still has blood flowing through his Left Anterior Descending Artery. (Blimey, didn't plan on  this small jotting resulting in a biology class that could possibly help all vintabiologicalists pass 'O' level science.)
My Mantadius's have been pushing firmly forward for a very long time. (Painful in the winter when frost settles on the protruding naked thrusters), time to join the dots and make them earn their keep. Their task until the end of time is to hold the 7" Lucas replica headlight that many moons ago I imported specially from India.
Bolts that befit this work of art are not likely to be found at the local engineering stores or even at the best motorcycle emporiums in Delhi...
I, Albert Crackleport would have to use the full facilities of The Old Sidevalve Bar to manufacture threaded eye candy of such magnitude never before seen in the civilised world.
Large knobs always attract interest, (particularly with the younger chicks, so I'm told) so, I was lucky to be offered a couple that had seen plenty of action years ago but were now being retired. Look on it as a career change, no retirement yet I'm afraid.


Gonna rescue those adjustment screws from a couple of old welding gas regulators, rework them to fit their new purpose, time has come to serve mankind in a useful way again.


Knob threads turned and retapped to suit headlight.....



Delhi-delicious firmly fixed to Headlampius Mantadius


It's near enough to beer o'clock as makes no odds...where's Posh?
Do I have to ask every time?
POSH!!!!!!!!!!  Where's mi pop?

Saturday, 6 June 2015

So, how good is that?...I'm back grinding in the groove.........After dusting off the cobwebs that have shielded the VBobber from prying eyes over winter the task next on my 'to do list' was to sort out some sort of speedo worm drive mechanism. The front wheel hub that once graced one of BSAs finest roadburners has no means of turning a worm.........not only that but a suitable worm turner started to be troublesome to find in a global internet search.........mine needed to dress on the left, and all the Smiths type were right hangers.
Hey, A leap of faith is not a scary thing to do. Life would stop without risk. After all £8 ain't gonna break the bank and a start had to be made somewhere. I purchased a popular brand of replica on eBay from Willenhall Scooters...a KMC (famous since 1976)


Could the drive be reversed ? Looking at the aluminium housing it's symmetrical shape suggested that the cable drive could exit either end........clever old Smiths.....
The blanking plug was only cheapo plastic and soon popped out with pliers.....followed by 'the worm'.  A drift in the form of a 6mm Allen headed bolt fit perfectly down the worm hole and in no time my KMC (famous since 1976) was in pieces.


And back together as a left hander.....


Now, gotta connect this little gem of India goodness to the piece of treasure that once was produced in the kingdom of BSA. Way back in the '60s....blimey, Wild Thing by the Troggs was blasting out on the wireless when this hub was cast...…phuff...make's ya think...
Here's where good luck takes over from careful planning.....(doesn't really matter how it happens as long as it does....)
The KMC (famous since 1976) seemed to fit perfectly on the near side of the hub.....If I cut a couple of locating slots in the hub then big chance I'd be reading some sort of numericals on my Smiths replica speedo....hey, can't wait..
With a steady hand and triple checking of measurements before proceeding I cut 2 very accurate slots in the BSA hub.....stress was high....what if my low tech grinder slipped.....what if....what if.......
Didn't happen...
Kept focused.....slots cut to super accuracy.
Luck still helping insured that the felt sealing washer for the KMC(famous since 1976) was exactly the same size as the BSA hub bearing housing.....Lucky bastard or what?


Spacer produced on the Myford to allow the Smiths replica KMC (famous since 1976) to fit nice and tight against the wheel bearing......
Chuffin  satisfied with that so far.....

POSH......pour me a scrumpy in the biggest flagon ya can find.....ya know I deserve 1.    or 2.   or 3 even.…

Thursday, 28 May 2015

Alien Abduction......

ALBERT......where ya been dude?    
I think I've been abducted....in fact I more than think...I known......Yep..I remember as plain as day....I'd been fighting against the technology tsunarmi of G4 permenant connectivity that seems to have blighting our younger generation. The poor souls seem to be plugged in to the matrix 24\7......…...What the hell are they doing????????And why?????????What's going on??????
I know the Vintafaker blog is worth a stop and looksee occasionally but blimey what can be so absorbing on this internetty thingy...…???????? It's a ploy by the Chinese to undermine the British Empire...Stop our world supremecy by killing verbal communication and reduce Boy Scouts participating in bob-a-job week!
Standing against must be the right cause of action.....A worthy cause for sure that fighting for landed me in deep trouble........
I somehow lost my freedom to choose......yes, chose how I send my messages to fellow brethren........... I used my steam powered Technico MK1. In it's day it pulled the chicks! And plenty of 'um


A transmitter  to the world.....nay, the universe...and as many Pan's People lookalikes you could wish for.
That's how come I lost 6 months of my life........I was forceably adjusted.....
by 'the majority' ( A gang of PC World shoppers jumped me unexpectedly..)..Yes, without anesthetic my Technico was removed and a tablet implanted in the orifice. Not only that but my Ethernet cabling was sold for scrap and an unreliable WiFi has taken it's place...
Progress ? my arse.....!   I'm now an android softwarer....all my buttons have moved......phuff.....life's too short for this........
Watch this space.....




Posh...any chance of a beer and 'satin hotpant' night? It'll help get the mojo flowing...


Friday, 14 November 2014

Rites of Passage

Greetings blog surfers..... A.C here with another chapter of Cracklestatic v Dr Electromagnetic  ! (3D version available) Glad you are reading this because if you are then it means you are still on the right side of technology.........and still alive. Thank goodness, someones there !!!!!!!!
Yep ! I've been telling you dudes for yonks......WiFi and all this other computor tablet crap is frying mankinds insides. Holy Electrosmog Batman !!! ......If you think you are at risk then repent whilst there's still time !!!
Cleanse your body in the 'R' oils of Castrol.......and deep flush your internals with 'The Cream of Manchester'
In the meantime I've re-set the Special Anti-Smog Vinta-filters so this blog will only will transmit via copper cable.
So there !!!! I ain't gonna be responsible for no E.M.F killer...


Before you all dash off to sever the WiFi umbilical connection to the 'world of digital make-believe' I've important news...
I underwent a most challenging test last weekend.....a test of  knowledge, patience, and more importantly a turning point in life.... Putting my reputation as a Vintafaker on the line. Failure was not an option. Success would earn me the Rite of Passage.
Hum, Rite of Passage usually means cutting skin off a dangly bit to expose a 'bobbies helmet'. No sir...
the route to The Masonic Lodge of Vintafake is through unaided wheel building...and maintaining a hooded knight. (Uncut crowns are discouraged due to their proximity to the hands during ceremonial handshakes)
Enough of the secret ways of the ancients.....! 

The parts are on the bench, let the challenge begin.
It was at least 18months ago I sourced these parts from a specialist. The spokes and rim built to order by 'Butons Bike Bits as they are not standard fitment for the hub.
Parts list - BSA C15 Hub. (Modified to accept Virago axle) 19" rim. Stainless spokes. (treated myself to a set of spoke keys too.)

Tested my home built truing stand before the off

Looks like it might work


After fixing a few spokes into the hub and correct holes in the rim the spoke pattern seemed to find itself...

Hey, maybe this is going to work !

Final couple of spokes.
Spin and start truing...........

Blimey Posh ! I've done it !!!! Lets have a big celebration with my most favorite beer. !
MORT SUBITE (which is exactly what will happen to me if this wheel collapses at speed)

Proper glass too !