Vinta-Translate

Monday 24 October 2011

Linkert chapter 2

Greetings all you Vintafakers who are hungry for the next episode of Operation Linkert. For all those who have stumpled upon these jottings by mistake............FEAR NOT ! You have contacted via electronic filters the world of the almost legendary Albert Crackleport. If ever the written world was to be believed, then it is here on this page that it will be so...........I believe 'o wise one' for you speaketh through the Googlemicrophone..........Oh master, we bow before the Underground Pickling Vats and ask for enlightenment!....

Right back to business. Let Operation Linkert commence once again.
Day 2 - Your Uncle Albert (showing much wiseness or foolishness...only time will tell) had decided to use 'silver solder' on the boiler fitting mainfolds. Hoping for additional strength and heat resistance. Grade of Silver Solder unknown...............(let me tell you this though...it is blooming 'ard.)
This is where the bed leg comes in......lucky I still had one cause the other 3 were burned in the 'Holy Fire Bucket Pyre' during the L.B.P. send off celebrations....

I wanted to face the mainfolds up after the extreme temperatures thay had endured during soldering. There didn't seem to be a suitable clamping point for this operation so my plan was to support them on a custom made boss.
Heres where the bed leg comes in. Step 1 - Turn leg until fits internal of manifold.

Centre manifold and drill small indentation for centre support

Using thin tool, I chose parting off tool (arrowed red) face both sides of Linkert replica

Dah Daah ! Smart as 'owt

Just so ya get a flavour of where the trouser sucking Amals will be......

Blimey have I not only applied my supergigabyte brain to further the development of my own superior motorised chariot but also the human race. Phew, thats heavy man.....

It is late. The witching hour is upon us. The gouls do howl on the wild moors. Oooooaaaaahhhh
It is time for me to go to my rejuvenating pod. Surely Vintafakers you can not deny me the sweet touch of pewter against my scourched lips.....a refreshing pint (or 2) of live giving porter ale that will lubricate my breathing passage and a Jacob or 2 thickly covered with Wensleydale for good measure.
I will be a better man for it ! Ready for action at a minutes notice.....
For now though I'm over and out ! tata

Sunday 23 October 2011

Operation Linkert

Geetings all you wonderful Vintafakers. It is me, Albertoise Crackleoutloadicoise.
Right then, tonights little appendage is a very serious one. Full of tech tips and cost cutting ideas.
I will attempt before your very eyes to create a replica Harley Davidson 1945 Panhead Linkert manifold for an amazing £2.50.................................per pair that is !!!!!!
Boy will they look good on the VBobber....
Here's the original - Price $125 !! (Looks like an old gas fitting to me!)

Well for those who have just joined us and probably the remainder of you's who have a memory problem I had already cut the brass manifold flanges......(it's all in the blog....back a few pages....)
Ordering two brass boiler fittings of the correct bore wasn't very difficult. (Well, it was really cause I'm not that familiar with pipe thread sizes.....lets say the frst set would have fit an tractor)
Anyway's
Flame on - time to solder.......

Soon I had 2 -
Vuala - Lovely brass manifolds. What did I tell you.
The wooden bed leg ? Aaahhhh that is needed in the second part of Operation Linkert

For now, that's all I'm tellin ya's
My fine flagon is full with refreshment. Duty calls.

Saturday 22 October 2011

Saturday night in Blighty - It's not that exciting ! Believe me !
No, us real men are out in our sheds whilst the chicks watch 'Strictly' !
I ask you...................whats the world coming to..............

So after downing a couple of flagons of the old apple goodness and quoffing a decent curry..........All of a sudden Blighty is where it's at !!!!

Right then Vintafakers, here's where were we with the rear of the Virago 'Lovecycle'...
Oh, damn, didn't mean to give the game away that I am creating a chariot of such pulling power that it would destroy even Bobby Charltons 'comb over'....
Swoon now ladies -(Phew, If the reborn Virago is half as good as that haircut I'll eat my underpants !.....)

Ahh, I remember, I wasn't a happy chappy, No !.
The rear end was large......way too outward sticking. (Albert likes small rears)
Only one thing to do. Yep you guessed it. GRINDER !
I'm gonna chop 4" off .........It took some thinking I'll tell you now, cause once chopped it's difficult to re-attach. In fact I thought all morning, but in the end I knew I had a duty......The Queen expected it from her subject...

Take a long look, it's the last you'll see of the 4" extention...

Begone with ya !
Now that's pretty -
Stick the good bits back together - Don't know what all the fuss was about...
There ya have it Vintafakers, The wheelbase of the chosen one is now an acceptable length. In fact it's just the size I wanted it...
AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.
A major stepping stone to creating the new rear frame done.....blimey that was stress.

I'll leave ya with this thought - cue -comb and paper and rasp loudly -The Dambusters theme.



Never in the field of beer flagons has so many been drunk by so few





'V' for VBobber




Thursday 20 October 2011

Not far from base......there is a

Many miles will the messages of Albertsnagglepuss travel. Once I push the gogogo button on my typing machine the pixels fire out of my p.c. at an alarming rate. Some say at least 3 every earth minute. Phew ! Can you imagine where they may land ?.....Galaxies away......down worm holes....
It came as some suprise then, that I hear some of my jottings have fallen not far from their launch site.
In a place where oral cavities, salivary glands and aepithelial tissues are prodded, stabbed with huge needles and brushed mercilessly with TePe Interdentals... It is an honour to know that you are receiving me loud and clear....(between brightening smiles and removing old ivory..).
But girls - cast aside your mouthwash for I have flagons of ale a plenty.........purge the antimicrobial handwash from your skin with old sump oil..........................Spend your weekends dressed in boilersuit and riggers................and live the life of a true Vintafaker.........(it aint done me any 'arm')

Until then.............it's testing night on the latest batch of London Porter so I'm gone for now.....
Duty calls.........



Tuesday 18 October 2011

Trust me - for I am the one and only Alberticus

Utterly amazing......................The malty juices of the Russian Stout soon soaked into my inner being...........through my veins it gushed.................By the secret power of Greyskull there could be no going back now............

My grinder was now my rapier.....................Touche Away !!! There was much work to do this day

The remains of the striken Virago were lifted from the cutting and grinding slab and brought out into the sunlight.........other strange body parts were attached so that the full extent of the forthcoming surgery could be assessed..................

Cue - Bolt of lightning hitting the bell tower of 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'...... Crack ! Aaaooowww!

Do not be afraid people of no imagination...........you simple village folk that dresseth in potato sacks should trust me..........
For I am creating a living being with soul..............that will have the strength of 40 bullocks and travel like the wind.

BEHOLD ! Do I not speaketh the truth ! Feast thee eyeballs on the chosen one...


Prepare for a miracle, for when the sun it doth set over the chicken coop and my days work is done, you too will see the foundation of my vision.

Hey ! Fill my flagon you buxom wench.......and make sure it's ya best ale !

Monday 17 October 2011

Deep in the Rhubarb Triangle -

The written word doth travel through the electronic gateway of Interneticus Websiticus.....for news on the goodness that is being worked secretly under lamp light in the cellars of 'Thee Olde Sidevalvee Barrr' hath reached a certain stalwart of the Brasso Sniffers and Pewter Rubbers Guild. Yes, non other than Master of the Shiney Flagon Basil K. Splutterpipe fromth overt hill in Eccleshilleshire has sponsored me for a week by providing much refreshing sustenance in the form of Black Sheep Breweries 'Russian Stout'. It is a brew that maketh the man. Yes, 8.5% A.B.V. is just the juice to revive the eyes that do stingeth from the pungent fumes of burnt Walrus lamp oil sourced locally from the tramps that hunt for blubber on Rawdon Billing. (or could I have unwittingly bought a batch of Salvation Army Foot Barm instead ? )

Thank you B.K. I shall grind deep into the night.........stay tuned old chap for the next instalment.
Same Vintaside same Vintatime.....

Night-Night Vintafakers.........and Sleep Tight..............Alb

Thursday 13 October 2011

Tempus it et tamquam mobilis aura volat

Do not fear my fellow Vintafakers, for I know the path to Viragorighteousness, it is a long and arduous journey. I am prepared....For 'I' Albertobrutusius Cracklegladiatorius will willingly suffer hell and damnation before giving my soul to the evil one they call 'motorcycle customisation'.
Hear this.....for I have seen the signs through the purifying flames of the fire bucket..........The cutting and casting into the wilderness of the offending rear subframe will help free all our souls and release inner energies so strong that time will stand still..............the beer pump will forever expel the elixir of life............and the sun will shine its rays over 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' for all eternity as a beacon of hope for those that may loose their way..............

Yes, let the evil trolls take back what is theirs.....................it offends me.........I am done with it..........be gone subframe................................your days on planet earth haveth endeth...

Tomorrow may be a new dawn..........
but there's still time for a flagon or two of cleansing water tonight...........join me as I raise my pewter vessel in defiance...

Tuesday 11 October 2011

Days like this....

Chums, flagon tilters, fire bucket bottom drillers and anyone else who knows me..............It is 'I'................Oh yes......me...........Albertosonicos Crackleportonimus..........
Professional Vintafaker and part time leather pantiloon tickler............reporting for duty on the old www.blogger.com. Sir !
What's been happen down in Old Sidevalver State County ? Let me tell you old beans, its been the land of dreams becoming reality, the wish list of life giving birth...............................and my old angle grinder cutting the hell out of a Japanese Yin Dynasty (殷代; pinyin: yīn dài) mechanical relic.
As the rains fell, and the moorland mist swept down through the Valley of Desolation your Old Uncle Albert one more pursued his goal along the path of righteousness..........How could one man carry such a burden ?........All those lost souls of Yamahaland.....reaching out for help into Yorkshireshireshire, their last hope before falling into the abis named Hell Fire Virago......
It's ok....No worries......I'll save ya, I
yam what I yam and I yam what I yam that I yam, cos I eats mi spinach...
Hurry! there's no time to waste.
Fit new cutting disc, drop goggles, deep breath, I'm's goin' in.....
Do not fear, I have a plan to follow. Worked out in my semi-consiousness after a couple of 'Falling downs'. Yes, cider magically refreshes the grey matter whilst the rest of the body sleeps soundly.....(How good is that ?) The more ya drinks the more intelligent ya gets.

Take a last look. The end of an era.

Rear engine mounts no longer capable of supporting aforementioned engine due to yours truly having altered angle of dangle up front....Only one thing to do......Cut ! Cut ! Cut !

Whizz..........whizz..........whoooooosh.......whoooooooshhhhh
All done, that didn't hurt did it.......that awful carbuncle has now been removed forever !
No tears, only cheers ! As I lift a flagon in celebration.

FOR SALE.....Virago Jigsaw