Meanwhile......down at 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'

The Headlampius Mantodea project is on hold at the moment. Due to the fact that I'm waiting the arrival of a most extremely importanty packagey from Delhi. Yes, the worlds No1 manufacturing hotspot for all motorcycley vintafakey parts is of course Vicky's Royal Enfield Emporium - situated just off the main Rajasthani-kadhi highway.

I 

I've purchased from this most reliable of sources at a velly excellenty pricey a Genuine Delhi Royal Enfield Headlampy. 

 Ruppees have been exchanged and the part is allegedly heading towards the border with the courier service of Korma & Bharji. At this moment they are heading over the snow covered Himalyan pass of Khardung La. At 5602m it takes a dedicated team to attempt such a traverse without Brighty Whities and socks.......

Good luck guys......we are thinking of you !!!!!!

Flagons are raised....and will remain so until the 'Genuine Delhi Royal Enfield Headlight' arrives.....

More news on Vicky and the Famous Royal Enfield Emporium will surely follow.......

Headlampius Mantodea Part 5

The good news is Uncle Billy Bob is safely home..
and the Polish Gerkin Skinners are back doing what they do best......
Let's Vintafake !
Last job on the Forkius Shroudios was to turn the final top locating ring to size. The outer diameter was unknown until they were cut to the correct height due to the taper......
How many brass rings have been turned Albert ? Dunno, looking down the shroud orifice there looks to be hundreds......if not thousands.....

Easy stuff is brass ringing ........now it's time to turn up the heat.
A job for Big Bertha.....with optional screw on No4 gas nozzle attachment.......
Yes, not for the faint hearted I can tell you but I'm ready..........
I'm about to enter the world of Silver Soldering......
FLAME ON !
Just to get me in the soldering groooooooove I started with the 3 part bottom headlampius mantodea support. Fixing the brass bobbins to the clamping face before drilling to accept the 10mm brass rods that will one day bend gracefully skywards to locate with the top support bobbins.....That's the plan anyway...
Only time will tell if this is going to work.....and you dear Vintabloggies will be the first to know

 

In the meantime I have what would best be described as VBobber Ramming Bars.
If this starts a trend ? Why shouldn't it ?
Hey, before ya know it the Prince of Tighty Whities will have some on his L.A. chop.

"Wench.. Fill my flagon with ya best ale for my rammers are ready."

Carrot Moonshine

Hey Dudes.........it's ya Uncle Albert here.
Just had a big weekend dooon tha Old Sidevalve Bar.....
Yep, first off had to distil ma carrot whiskey into a reet potent juice for a few of the Old Soaks at 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'. Festive season and all that......(They know who they are)
Obviously ma distillation process is super secret.....done in the dead of night over peat fires......
5 gallon of carrot alcohol in.........1 gallon of of finest Carrot Whiskey out.....
Mi homemade still which is cunningly disguised as a central heating boiler to fool the lawmen has served mi well for many a year..
But, hey, this years batch wasn't bottled without incident....
Here's what happened....
Business as usual in 'The Bar'........goodly amounts of brew being consumed...... all happy !

Outback.......in the shed.......I've got the lastest brew on the boil, thanks to Big Bertha our resident blowlamp the vapours are rising.....and condensing........and dripping slowly but surely into the whiskey barrel...

Trouble is mi Uncle Billy-Bob has had a few too many
All of a suddern the Polish Gerkin Skinners are screeching like banshees......
ogień piekło ....... głupie Bastad będzie ustawić jego własny zapalone..................

Uncle Billy-Bob had secretly been on the distillate !!!!!!!"
One spark away from a 'Ring of Fire'
Thankfully the Polish Gerkin Skinners pulled him clear ............
Phew..........

Peace resided and the bottling continued ..........
2012 Carrot Whiskey has passed all tests......

Brew done - Let's Vintafake -
Later.........Better get Uncle Billy-Bob pointed in the direction of home..........
Keep checking the vintafaker blogspot for more action down at 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'
Pour me a big un Katarzyna ya lovely Kiełbasa Polska tickler....I'm thirsty after all that excitement

Headlampius Mantodea Part 4

Greetings Bloggies - More news from the Vinta-net.
Hey, another new word. 'Vinta-net'  - meaning - Internet (but older)....
That's 2 new words in as many weeks.....
'Educating Albert'  that's me ......(or was that a film ?)

More creative juices have flowed.
More brass has turned..
Is there no end to this madness 
...............hahahahah...........hahahhahahahh........hahahahhahahahhahaah

The observant bloggies amongst you will have noticed the brand spanking new bearing fit to the steering stem that was plated so wonderfully last weekend. I know.....splashed some cash I did. Not only did I buy a bottom bearing but phew-wheee a top bearing was purchased also.....
This double dip into the piggy bank meant I could fit the aformentioned steering parts and get some accurate measurements for the finishing of the fork shrouds and remaining bracketry associated with the Headlampius Mantodea.
I wanted the shrouds to remain free of fixings.....I wanted the headlampius mounticuses to be lightweight looking from the side.......I wanted to make sure that the whole lot doesn't come tumbling down and jam the front wheel when I get to Mach2 speed......That's a lot of  'I wants' and not much 'I know hows'.
So, think, think, and think some more....even when the 'Polish ladies' from the neighbouring Picalilli Factory popped round for a cuppa I didn't stop thinking........why would I ?...

Miserable lot they are anyway - defected from the Wieliczka Salt Mines to skin and chop Gerkins in Yorkshireshireshire !
Hardly a good career move..but hey.....no more golabki for breakfast.

Finally came to the conclusion that my underneath support would transend in a forward pointing direction from the bottom clamping bolt area.......possibly have a sensual twist around the headlampius bowlicus and join the mantodea supports in a profusion of brass and silver solder.      
Total Bollocks ? Maybe ? Maybe not ? I'll say it again for the hard of reading....
Believe my friend in the Vintafake pioneering spirit for it will enrich your soul.......science and engineering pushed to the outer edges of the universe........it's happening here......forget the Large Hadron Collider...bounderies of nano-quark reality have already been breached in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'

So, with the above plan in mind defenseless pieces of brass were once more reformed with hacksaw, file and lathe. No mercy was shown as I persued my quest.....

 Behold - I lay before you my weekend labours..............you must agree that was time well spent.
Fill mi flagon wi ya finest ale ya saucy wench, I have much celebrating to do !
Stay tuned, I ain't finished yet !

Throw the Switch Igor !

Greetings Vintabloggers, It is 'I' Albert Crackleport..........bringing news of the Fabulous VBobber Virago.
Yes, I have once more been creating life deep down in the hidden chambers of 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'.

Where forgotten and worn pieces of metal are skillfully resurrected to serve man again......
A last chance saloon for the outcasts of our G4phone and Tablet hungry society !!!!!!!
It is secret work, dangerous work, and high voltage work, some sceptics may say pointless work....
Ha ! One day my creation will live ! Until that day cometh be patient my friends and believe....

Saturday 8th December 2012. The sun shone and my mojo juices started running.......Hey, let's not be wasting mojo......let's vintafake
Turn on the compressed air making machine......and set up the Ikea toybox outside on the patio, complete with greenhouse window lid.
Gonna do me some blasting !!!!!

That steering stem doesn't look pretty.....let the mojo flow.......
Now, here's a ridiculous thing.......in the world of grit blast nozzles I think I've got a big 'un. Which is ok to brag about at Grit Blasting Conventions but a right pain in the ar** when working in a restrictive area.
Fill, blast, fill, blast, empty box, fill, blast, fill, blast, empty box......get the picture?
Ah, well, what is will have to be....A nozzle is for life not just for Christmas.
4 hours later -

Sweet !
Igor!...ready the nickel dipping tank......'I' Albert Cracklestein will now feed electrical pulses through this lifeless yamaha limb and try to recover it's soul......

The toxic vapours were rising from the hot chemical bath, now was the time to throw the switch -
100,000,000,000volts......... zezezezezezezbbbbbbbb     zezezezezezezezezezezezeezezeebbbbbbbbb !

                                           
It's alive ! I say IT'S ALIVE !! The chemistry, the electricity, the ancient wisdoms (no G4phone and tablet shit here) all coming together in a 2 gallon plastic bucket..........a steaming and bubbling coldron of nuclear fussion...................or maybe nuclear confussion......
Behold  .......and wonder at the richness of the nickel colour. The job is done. Happiness and wellbeing once again settle over 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'.  All is peaceful in Vintafake land.

Time for a flagon.

Beer Watch - Almost Live from 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' - Part 2

The mission is accomplished -
'The Old Sidevalve Bar  flagon lifters are all still alive -
The beer was tested -
The seal of approval has been granted -
'Basil's Little Beauties' Best Bitter is officially classed as drinkable.

Here's a couple of action shots during the decanting proceedings.
First the slow pour - Performed for 1 night only without a safety net -

Secondly the full inspection -A picture of true deliciousness

Cheers to the Bradford Hop ! May it continue to grow in it's secret location for many years..........


 

Beer Watch - Almost Live from 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'

Albert here- In a matter of hours the wait will be over - Today is the day....the hourth approach
As the big event is reaching it's climax I thought it only best that I clear all pickling personnel out of the danger zone. (For their own safety of course,) The Old Sidevalve Bar' flagon lifting stalwarts have had additional H & S training so will obviously be present.

but, unfortunately the resident Russian Shallot Skinners will have to leave the vaults until danger passes.
The trio, known in Syberia as -
 Полюсом Московского государственного танцы и лук кожи зачистки цыплят
 will be back soon though.......many Crunchy Picklingtons are needed for the New Year celebrations.

What's the big event ? Whoops nearly forgot.........In 2 hours a bottle of Basil's Little Beauties will be ceremoniously poured into appropriate vessels and consumed. All in the cause of science.....
Will keep you posted.......