Albert Crackleport reporting on life down at 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'..........Known to many as the last watering post before the frozen north............known to a select few as the place a Yorkshire fire bucket fought magnificently against the Wild men of Worcestershire.......
Fear not, all is not lost, the vibes from the fallen bucket inspire all who stand on this hallowed ground ........... the struggle was not in vain.

'I feel the power !' Running up my riggers......through my boiler suit.....and into my woolly hat...!

Goggles down, 5" disc fitted, fire up the grinder there is work to be done....

Like thunderbolts fired from the fingertips of Zeus the spinning grinding disc destroys the evil and leaves the good........... There was much evil around the Virago diff, a flange so embracing only the chosen one would dare cut into it for fear of releasing Pandoras secrets...

Get a grip ! Your Uncle Albert knows that inside the all enveloping mass will be a diff of much slenderness, a jewel to please the eye waiting to be released.

Little did 'I' Albertchippbuttius know how long this would take.....Like Michelangelo when he paper and painted the sistine chapel this would be a labour of love.......and a demonstration of the Vintafakers art.
Months have rolled almost into years........spring has turned to summer and then autumn and winter........the hops have flowered and the young shoots of barley have grown and been harvested and malted, I have fermented and drunk the elikior........yet the Virago diff still was needed attention..
Grinding, Sawing, Filing, Dremeling, Emery clothing.......this metal mass was gradually shrinking. (I knew this for it was getting increasing difficult to wade through the metal shavings) But I could not leave my post, not when I thought glory was soon becoming.

My body cried enough.....but my mind overcame the pain.......for I was fuelled by the food of the gods.
Serving wenches brought Guiseley Growlers to my workbench at regular intervals...... (for these meaty beauties are known to have medicinal compounds)...........it was a life or death situation.......could the warm gelatine revive my dry clacker.....and replenish my shrinking waistline ?

Yes ! Is the answer for I am here aint I ? Still of sound mind ?

Almost there,

Vuala ! I bring before your royal worthynesses the fruits of my labours....... Before and after......... Fat or Thin ? Sack of Spuds or Belle of the Ball?
You decide, it's time for a much deserved Porter.
Albert over and out.