Who's next for shaving ?

Greetings Vintafakers. Albert here.

It's been a strange few months down in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'. Normally it's a mans world ! Definitely not a place for wimin, what with the oil and the grease, the smell of the MIG and not least the big spiders that dangle from the rafters. Heidi seemed to like it, and her close friends have no complaints either, but they are all gone.

I'm all alone.

Even the radio has fallen silent......bit of damp on a diode maybe.....

Time for your Old Uncle Albert to get back on track.

The right track of Vintafaking and Brewing deadly ciders.

So, pre-Heidi I was on a mission. An important mission to save XV Virago riders from a life in the wilderness and a ride without soul.

Yes, I can help them ! With basic hand tools I plan to change world attitude. Make my mark upon the earth, and beyond (who knows where this blog goes)

Memory is a funny old thing, it doesn't survive after soaking in cider, so after various soakings I'm not sure if I showed you this picture before. Hey, what the hell I'll post it again. Its the sorry image of a XV535 Virago engine. Owned mainly by choirboys and Bishops these motors are in desperate need of correction. In fact they probably enjoy it !

Let's do it ! Let's VINTAFAKE !

Big disc in the grinder, correction lines drawn, goggles on, I'm going in.......

Still more to do with the whizzy dremel, but the main lines are now set. I've trimmed the crancase cover too. Ugly is good, lightweight is good, function and form thats what we want not all this 'pretty boy' stuff. If it's of no use then cut it off !


Note- I am only offering to correct VX motors. Choirboys and Bishops need not apply....

Stay tuned - Alb

It's been a lonely time for your Uncle Albert....Heidi's returned to her master and theres been space in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' for action.......

Any sort of action....The Picklingtons are fermenting in their special juices deep down in the Pickling Vaults, special brews of falling down cider and Dangerous Albert are fermenting too. Hey, Lifes one long pickle up Yorkshire. But picklings a slow business.......can't be rushed or there's danger of breaking the hermatic seal.......

So, it was with a glad heart that I offered 2 of Heidi's friends from the Berlin Exhaust Tuning Co the chance to call in and have a real Yorkshire cuppa tea and slice of parkin.

Seffi Luftschifftechnik and her 'companion' Jolanda Schutle-Lanz had made contact after seeing news of Heidi's well being on a previous blog posting......

Well any friend of Heidi is a friend of mine..........

I'm thinking I ought to get an M.Z. and join the club

Lock up ya daughters

Urgent News Flash............. Reporter on the scene 'Albert Crackleport' - Cracklevision outside broadcast bringing the worlds most important information direct to you.......
On the loose and extremely dangerous................
The evil brother of Lord Timberlake.
Tarquin 'The Bayton Bandito' Timberlake
You have been warned, easily recognisable due to upper lip adornment...
Wanted for merciously hunting and kidnapping unloved M.Z.s

BEWARE ! - Has been known to ride the occassional stray pig !

By Royal Appointment - I knelt before my Lord Timberlake and announce her -----

Mi' Lud' 'ere for your forthcoming pleasure a wench of much worldwide fame....... Saddled by you many times years ago 'n' now returning to 'er rightful place at your side...........

Berlins very own - Frauline Heidi !!!!! Hip Hip Hurrah !
Followed by much bowing and tugging of forelocks from the commoners in attendance.............

Wrapped snugly in a J.H. Racing blanket the gal from the Eastern Block was about to cast off her robe before the selected paparazzi. A memorable moment is only second away....

Mi' Luds hands trembled in anticipation and oh how his leg kicked and kicked.......
Heidi had wet her plug in the excitment !
I 'Albert Crackleport stepped forward to help, skilled in the art of damp-plug relighting.
(Pink Lodges are recommended for all those suffering similar difficulties in the small spark area.)


A glint in Lord Timberlakes eye (not the glass one) showed he was pleased........a man of few words but much action it didn't take him long to compose himself, stoke up her fire and sniff mightily with his Regal Hooter to check out the aroma exubulating from her flue.......A wry smile of contentment could still be seen through the ever thickening troposheric blue ozone which was slowly enveloped everyone.


In no time the pair were heading for the freedom of the open road.


Happy and contented, up hill and down dale they did travel, once more together as one.................


Long into the night they frollicked, until finally somersaulting with glee into the distance.........
Gone................but for a distant 'ring-a-ding-ding' every now and then as Heidi performed her power stroke...............

Ready

Boy, that was a 'HOT' afternoon........

Heidi has had the full works.............thanks to the enthusiasm of Ingerborg
Soaped, Showered and Shaved.
( Fact - most Berlin women have to do nifty Gillette work regularly when they reach a certain age !)
Our frauline has even been treated to an auromatherapic massage with the oil of kings (freshly squeezed Ricinus communis)

'I, Albert Crackleport' pronounce her once more fit and ready to be mounted by Lord Timberlake........(I don't think Heidi can wait to feel his well rounded royal 'bottom' upon her ! she's a lucky gal !)

Next stop - Mi Lords Gaff. Let's go !