The Empire ! The sacrifice....the linen bandages....and the holy scriptures of BSA wiring....

It is time ! The Crackleclock has struck the hour.............The bell tolls........BOING ! BOING ! BOING !
This is the moment.....Dah ! Dah ! Daaaah !
Bring forth the sacrificial Indian for it is written in the etchings of early shed dwellers that it is the duty of the pure and untouched to keep the old and knackered fully functioning for as long as possible.....

The specially selected Royal Enfield headlamp switch had arrived from it's motherland wrapped in swaddling. Once stripped naked and laid on the operating bench pre-op inspection could begin. Be warned - The surgical procedure is extremely complex, and of a micro-nanoscopic scale. Not to be undertaken by trainee Vintafakers or Polish sausage stuffers (no matter what experience they claim to have in handling small parts!!)
Luckily your Uncle Albert was well aware of the task that lay ahead. I would conduct the operation looking through the Hadron-Crackle-Collidor Magnificationiserscope.

At first glance the donor appeared to be of a similar breed to the Genuine Lucas (with optional large Knob)
Vital organs were prised away from the donor and transferred to the recipient. Progress was slow and methodical......The hours ticked by, day turned to night, days to weeks........(as you are well aware if you have been logging into the Vintafaker Blogcronical regularly) I 'Albert Crispy-Cracker would and could not give in...This was far too important a mission........I was help save 'Lovely Maroon'

One life donated - One life saved?
Hum ! Here's where the sacrifice to help Lucas (with the large knob) to once more light the road to freedom seems to have taken a sideways step....In fact maybe a small (teeny-weeny) step backways.

Houston, we have a problem....
The donor parts are not compatible....Over
Copy that Albert. You have a problem with your parts. Shall we send the Polish Sausage Stuffers? Over.

Assembled and ready for electrical current throughput testing it was evident that the switch had far more electrical terminals than Lovely Maroon could ever wish for. The holy scriptures of BSA wiring gave little clues, the ancient tongue of  'Haynes Manual' could not be deciphered either.
Only through the power of Google could the knowledge of BSA pilot, dip and main beam terminals be learnt

The Indian donation was in vain......hope where hope was not needed........ complication where simplicity was built in already.
Many thankies Mr Chawla for sending your best made Royal Enfield Headlamp Switch but it turned out Lovely Maroon is a dynamo model and doesn't need the extra springy thingies that your good friend Albert thought were lost. Nay, they were fit only to later alternator machines.....

Posh ! 

I need beer.....

and plenty of it!

Prognosis- It is evident that through analysis of variance ecological theories and hypotheses that Lucas replica switches are unusually complex because of natural variability in space and time. Additional multi replication throughout Asia over the last 60 years has changed the tolerance of build and thus there is no route back to 1950 for the present day Indian Royal Enfield Headlight Switch.....
Trapped in it's own time....forever 2013. Long may it remain so !!!!!!

The Empire ! The sacrifice....and the linen bandages..

This is the Vintafake World Service. A free to join information channel that transmits around planet earth, warning of the digital dangers of iphone complacency.....and other hidden transmitted irritations....
Surely satisfaction can be gained by methods other than a gadget with electronic vibrations and ringtones ?

Read on and I guarantee there will be an itching in your loins......a need to scratch away the old crusty bits of the past and let cool fresh air blow a sense of freedom around the glands of life.

The time is here. The hour is upon us. I will now cut into the encapsulation bag.........wish me luck.

Sights unseen since the volunteer headlight switch was embarmed in the Royal Enfield mummification department..
Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!! Nooooooo!!!!

The bandages are off - The fresh virginal Indian donor at first glance appears a suitable candidate despite being of slender years and will be sacrificed honourably in 'The Temple of the Sidevalver' giving vital organs to Lucas 'The Prince of Darkness'.

Posh ! Our job is done for now. Fill my goblet with The Elixir of Life......for.that powerful potion of fermented apple juice will guarantee safe journey through the night........and ward off the evil snore monsters.....

The Empire !

Greetings to all Vintafakebloggergoogleloggers.....I'm here and ready.....Ineeeeed - ready and able......of sound mind and body..........maybe ? (I am steering this blog under the influence of only a couple of Wilko's finest homebrew ciders.....Phuff...wheres the 'arm in that offizer!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hic !!!!!!!!!!
Yes...for those who are unfamiliar with real shed vintering ......(Ha ! My spellchecker has yet again reminded me that 'Vintering is a new word in the world of motorsickle recycling and correctickleness..
Log it in thy memory..for we are yet again the first...many will follow.......
So, I Alberteeeee Cracklepop have news....and here it is ....
Behold the Lucas Switchikle! (with the optional large knob!!!!)

Smart as 'owt !The false teeth moulding compound had indeed created an almost invisible join in the Lucas Headlight Switch. Much flagon lifting followed. In fact many days (and nights) of flagonising was undertaken. All in a good cause you understand for this was technical science at the edge of humanity...
HOWEVER !!!!
In the cool light of dawn a realisation that all may not be well began to materialise.....
Unfamiliar with the finer workings of Lucas Light Switches led me into a false sense of security !!!!!
Blaaady Hell !
There's half the boooooming switch missing ! How was I to know.....?????

Some 'wag' in 1950 had lost vital parts and bodged the earth connection through the switch retaining spring....Clever and effective, but, not good enough to ensure another 50 years of bright headlightness...

Now what ? Danm and double Damn......

Hey ! Blighty didn't control the Raj Empire just for curry ! No ! out there in the East there is still chaps making replica vintage Brit motorsickle parts...velly velly cheeeeepy....

For just over £3 I purchased a Royal Enfield Headlight Switch from Chawla Auto Spares...I'm goona rob it of parts........like a body donor it will give to the needy......a sacrificial switch to help a Genuine Lucas live.

Here's Mr Chawla our man in India - A good guy !
Below - As it arrived - Carefully packed and sewn into it's own little protective sack.....
I didn't want to open it - It was too delightful on the eyeball.....
.

But.....It has to be done...
Stay tuned......The parcel goes under the surgeons knife tomorrow.....For a full internal investigation

In the meantime.......
FLAGONEERS......ARM RAISE............. DRINK
(Simple words but capable of bringing much happiness)

Reality.....Live action TV Episode 2

Tonight is the night ! Action from the 'Get Go'
Yes, lets feeeeeeeeel the Get Go vibration.....the heat of the moment......the sensual explosion as we peel back the rubber to reveal Vintafakeness in it's purest form

It will only take as long as it takes to read these words to know the outcome of the live from The Old Sidevalve Bar Lucas Switch Repair.

Disciples of Vintafake, gather round for you will I am sure recount to others what you are about to witness....
Those who may shock easy are advised to look away now.......

Posh - Let's bless the reborn with a beer......and then another...
Raise our flagons to False Teeth Moulding Compound !

That's the power of Vintafaking - Keep the faith

Reality.....Live action TV

Greetings Blog world.....Keanu Cracklefart here....

Indeed my dear internet chummlies, this is a never before attempted blog....
I shall broadcast life from the hub of the Kingdom of Virago, anything could happen so hold on to your most treasured belongings................Tonight we gonna rock !
Oh yes, tonight we will start Vintafaking on level 2 !!!
Here's the action so far........
Poor Lovely Maroon.......her little light switch had seen better days......chipped and needing replacement
Woooooow ! We don't do replacement here in The Old Sidevalve bar unless there is no other option.....
No Sir !
Just imagine, way back in 1950's some guy turning the light switch.......leather gauntlet covering that cold hand, snow falling, goggles and pudding basin helmet...wishing he was home......Hell fire ! where do all these thoughts come from ????
Anyway, you get the picture.....History.....I can prolong it's life, it's soul, it's heart....I think.....
I need to repair the switch......I owe it to the old guys from the past.....

Now, it just so happens that I have contacts......Contacts in dental circles, contacts who along with a pearly smile can help on this matter.
These dental bods have access to false teeth moulding compound.....
That's just what Lovely Maroon needs..... some sort of falsie!"!!!!! To cover the gap.

Now, you  understand that this has never been attempted before don't you.
No Sir.....so if anything goes wrong...Hey, it's just part of pushing boundries further than ever thought possible..........Don't blame me....I only type this stuff...

Step 1
Mix a quantity of moulding compound and apply to the good half of the switch, this should give me a 'perfect' mould to use on the bad side....

Step 2.
Check and stand back in astonishment....Boy Oh Boy.......this could work. Look at the quality of the replicating.......almost as well replicated as 'Seven of Nine' !!!!

Denture mould ready for action.....Lovely Maroon will soon have a set of 'Falsies'

Not the worlds best picture but this is live Vintafaking  so, epoxy resin coloured with black engine enamel has been poured into the mould before the switch was repositioned ready for 'Falsie application'

We have now got to set this aside overnight whilst the epoxy cures.....
Which of course means that a couple of Flagons can be lifted between episodes....
In fact.................more than a couple of flagons have been lifted as it's a slow curing epoxy ( crafty hey ?)
 
Posh....I'll have another.......the glue is still wet !

Tomorrow.....Vintafaker fans.....we open the mould !

BIG EXCITEMENT !

Maybe...........
Tune in tomorrow for more Vintafake T.V.

Family Album stuff

Alberto & Posh.

Crikey old chap.....

I need a flagon of ale to calm mi down after that wild ride !!!!!!!!!!

The BSA B31 that time forgot. Part 11

Greetings, Crackleport here....
Yep ! No saving the world this weekend.....No sir ! I'm busy !!!!!
I've got me some parts for Lovely Maroon's gearbox so let's get down 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' and start fettling.
The gears and casings had cleaned up a treat a while back but now with new bearings fitted his little antique is soon going to be shifting those cogs like BSA intended (Hum !!!!!)
Take a good look now cause this is the last you'll be seeing of these little fella's for quite some time.

It's beer o'clock
So......
It's goodbye from Posh
and it's goodbye from me.
Quoniam amicus meus iter ad bibendum ex animo lifes divitias iacet per lagenas ceruisie veneficiis.