Another shot across the bows.

Yes indeed, Albert here.
Thought I'd get the week off to an honourable start with another shot across the bows of Weasel H.Q. Better known to most citizens of this fair and just land as THE ROYAL MAIL.
My previous correspondance obviously fell amongst all the other undelivered letters never to see the light of day again deep down under Ye Olde Tower 'O' London.......
Slight slip up at 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' on the previous attack (letter) is the fact that my proof of posting has been through a full wash cycle in my back pocket......unreadable.....and soggy......are words best describing this most important document......The Baroness has denied any responsibility...!!!????!!!....confessing only to removing any money in the pockets before turning the dial to 40degree.....economy cycle....
Nay Nay and Trice Nay......Fear not...'I' Albert Cracklepoticus have quickly attacked with a secondary missive.....

Tomorrow I will once more enter the House of Mail.......Approach the bullet proof glass......bend down and whisper through the slot at counter level.....
'Hey Pat take this message to ya Queen and dunna spare them horses"

Oh aarrr ! Flagon tyme!

Headlampius Mantodea Part 3

Blimey......been thinking - these young wannabees haven't a clue about Vintafake dress code....
Perish the thought of wearing tightie whities on a bobbed Shovelhead.......
'going commando' is the only way to ride ya sickle.........even in winter !!

Right ! End of that one........let's get back to some shed action.

Been spending quite a bit of time latheing my headlamp fixings.... I knew what I wanted...the hardest bit was making it out of old scrap......
First attempt -

The idea was coming along but the boss was too delicate and looked prone to possible failure at speed.....
A search in the cellars of Crackleport Towers came up trumps. A couple of brass bobbins and a matching brass shaft.
 

What these had been in their previous life is and will remain a mystery. The important part being they have the potential to be recarnated into VBobber headlight parts of distinction.
Mk1 attempt was quickly thrown back in the scrap bin for recycling again... and the first bobbin was secured in the chuck.
Engage forward drive Captain....

Let's boldly go where no man has been before..........drill warp 3

I'd like to say it took a matter of moments to turn this pretty lot but it was longer.......where I wrote longer read 3 weeks......on and off....

Not finished yet so you will have to wait for the final assembly.
Where's Posh with my favourite flagon....?

The Prince of 'Tighty Whities' buys Vintafake

Albert here.  Hey ! Before I get started on what's 'appening down 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' take a guess at which cheeky young footie pup has 'bought' a Vintafake
Well I'm not telling you....can't bring myself to mention the dudes name within these very serious jottings but he's the one that models the latest banana hammocks for M&S.
Anyways here's a couple of pictures the sickle...... 

What's with the headlamp bracket?...and the exposed brass?.....

WHO'S BEEN LOOKING IN MY SHED ? 

At least I have proper rust..........
Oy Posh ! Fill my flagon ! It's ale time......

I'm annoyed. !...... Because.....
I've been thinking. ........I know ...a dangerous hobby is thinking..............
But my thoughts all came to the conclusion I'm being ignored.
Blimey....I'm a citizen of Blighty...........I have rights !..........
Yes, you've guessed it, my refund from the V.A.T. weasels is long long long overdue.
Time to pen a missive. A sort of reminder that Albert is still around and waiting impatiently........

I shall send my communication registered delivery thus building up my data on this office of inactivity.
In the meantime the 2 fingers point skywards outside 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' ........The spiders may have vacated the glove for the winter but this iconic symbol will remain.......

The war is far from over................

Flagon time.......It's thirsty work fighting goverment departments....
Albert out.....

Near DEATH experience

'Lucky Albert'.....that's what they call me now !
This week I came close to DEATH ! 

Mind you I never said  'Vintafaking' was safe........
Here's what happened...........
Having just spent a couple of peaceful hours zinc plating with my new kitchen work-top set up  I thought I'd earned a flagon (or 2) of liquid refreshment. It's impossible to replicate these ancient metal finishes on a dry throat.....
Pouring myself a 'large one' I took an almighty swigg............
Holy Shi* !!!!!!!! I've just drunk the zinc plating solution...........

The flagon was full of dangerous Bio-Metallica.......(which I'd poured myself minutes previous)
My belly was now pickling in a mixture of vinegar, sugar and epsom salts and god knows how much zinc....
I lay sparko......the powerful elixir of plating had taken it's toll...............my 'vintafaking powers' were ebbing away................leaving my body...........
 

 
Whoa fella ! NOT SO FAST........ Salvation was at hand..........my vital organs are already in a state of picklington thanks to 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' and Balen late night beer sessions......I was fully protected from this Jekyll and Hyde concoction.........or was I ?

For safety sake I have now re-labelled my precious bottle of plating solution.
 

It now carries a rather fetching 'Morrisons Cider Label' or is it the other bottle with the funny pictures...

Anyway's no harm done ! I've still got my good looks and virility........

Goodnight Peeps........Catch ya'll later.....
Albert-Hyde over and out

 

 

 
 
  
 

Headlampius Mantodea Part 2

I'm here, safe and sound. Hands up all those that thought I was about to drown in a sea of brass filings. No way hosay.....Gather round and let me tell you how I survived -
Many years ago during my time in Stalag Luft III us blighty chaps perfected a technique of magically moving unwanted waste......I never forgot........I still use the same method to keep 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' clean to this day. Transfering metal filings from the shed in my trouser turn-ups and secretly depositing them throughout the house on all the carpets.......Baroness Von Battenburg has at times spotted the trail and attacked the debris quickly with the vacuum cleaner but has yet to discover the source......

Main thing is though I'm still alive !

So my Excalibur mountings were formed and beaten. After C.N.G.ing the radiused ends a quick check against the headlamp proved progress was in a forward direction.

 Stage 2 - Oh boy a very exciting bit - I had chance to use my newest and shiniest tool. A super dooper drop dead gorgeous 36mm hole saw with matching arbour.

Lovely....The holes now giving guidence for the rest of the C.N.G shaping.

The outstreatched claw like looks of the Preying Mantis were now becoming apparant.

Polish the forging marks out. 
Then drill a goodly number of Vintafake Speedholes...

'One small step for Crackleport -
One giant leap for Virago VBobbers'

Stay tuned Vintafakers anything can happen at any time in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'
Albert over and out and flagon ready....

Headlampius Mantodea

Greetings Peeps ! Welcome aboard the Magical Vintafaker Roundabout !
Hold on cos' I'm gonna crank up the speed.......lets give the old blog a bit of juice and see what falls off !

So, for those with memory still intacticus....the headlamp mount patterns had been cut from pizza box offcuts and the sky hooks were secured tightly. But Albert canna' ride like that......Albert needs maneuverability (by crikey that was a lot of vowels all close together)
So, cast aside the cardboard my good fellow.....lets get fabricating.

First job was to replicate the shape in brass

.....closely followed by the rather brutal method of placing a piece of airline conduit across it's back and wacking it bloody hard with a lump hammer......after of course warming to RED HOT with the resident shed blowtorch Big Bertha !

You know just for a brief moment I had that feeling I was forging King Arthurs sword...........Excalibur !

 

Headlamp mounts for The Knights of the Round Table ?       
The Holy Grail of Virago........
Here's some old ramblings from The Old Sidevalve Bar Chronicals -
"thenne he drewe his swerd Excalibur, but it was so breyght in his enemyes eyen that it gaf light lyke thirty torchys.
Wow ! Awesome - Hope my headlamp and mounts can shine 30 torch power lightness upon the dark earth they call tarmac.......

Hum.....Let's continue -
Rough cut and forged it was time to get some shape into the metal -
Plug in the C.N.G. (Crackleport Numerical Grinder) Expertly guided by my brain, eye, arm and hand the final shape started slowly but surely emerging....Da...Da...Da.....

but the brass grindings were slowly and surely rising also.....
gradually consuming all that resides in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar.........

Can Albert escape the sea of brass..........will the grindings overpower our hero ?
Stay tuned for more Vintafaking action......

In the meantime  - Flagontime.