Working the white powder Part 3. Hollywood to The Old Sidevalve Bar

14th May 2014. Vintafake urgent bulletin.
Breaking news in the 'Showbiz Gossip' columns.
 Yahoo Celebrity Link here
What can I say ? It was brilliant the Angelina came over and helped me model the curvaceous tank badge in the shed over last weekend....But damn, the secret is out ! Now everyone knows that Angelina has had her hands on Alberts polyfilla and mixing stick.....Ah well, just goes to show the popularity of Vintafaking...

Angelina Jolie Has White Powder On Her Face As Arrives At The Normal Heart Premiere With Brad Pitt

EntertainmentWise – 21 hours ago

• Email

Angelina Jolie headed down to the Normal Heart premiere last night in New York and suffered a pretty embarrassing wardrobe malfunction, she had white powder spread all over her face.

How could Ang NOT have seen the white powder over her jawline and forehead or why didn't someone tell her, before letting the 38 year-old step out in front of the cameras. Was Brad having a joke with her?

What's happened to Ang's face? (SplashNews)

The Maleficent star is usually pretty flawless when it comes to her red carpet appearances so we have NO idea what went wrong here. The powder was all over her face and on her chest as she emerged from her car.

Working the white powder

Hellooooo...Albert here.......

Yep ! Look a lot like Wesley Pegden doun' I ?......Now't wrong wi a bit of oil on thee kecks...
Kecks ? Eeeeh bit o Yorkshireshireshire, (and thee don't wanna be going wi out any when it's cooold.)

Anyways old chaps, just like the spring buds.....my mojo has been showing signs of life....Awaken from a winters hibernating refreshed, and eager to forage for excitement...
So, here goes. Once again for your amusement and titillation I shall attempt to create art from shite...

Tank badges for the VBobber. I need some. It just wouldn't be right to stick some BSA ones on now would it...Particularly as the bike is a vastly superior brand......Yes, the tank is some old BSA Gold Star thingy...
Virtually worthless !!!!...So to increase value 10 fold  I shall make my own.
My chum Koen, a.k.a Oilyracer has the knowledge to cast aluminium, all I need to do is make a couple of patterns.

Can I make my patterns out of Polyfilla ? Only time will tell. Hold my hand as we journey on the rocky road to my tank badge destiny... Where it is ? who knows ?.....how long to get there ? who knows ?....who cares?

The fact that Posh is away for the weekend and I therefore have use of various equipment that wouldn't be normally at my disposal had nuffin' to do with my timing on this project.....As long as I clear up by Monday who's going to know ? Who's going to tell ? NOT ME !
First task, I carefully taped a 25mm deep cardboard case around the tank badge area. Quality jammin' cardboard from a Leroy Roots Jamaican cooking sauce kit seemed to work ok.... Bob Marley blasting out 'No woman No pride' really fired up the mojo rhythm........

A bit 'o grease down the thread hole and wiped around the bottom of my newly formed Kingston bun case and I was ready to pour the polyfilla.

By heck ! Looks like a thick yorkshireshireshire pudding....

Left overnight in a safe and warm place...The jammin cardboard casing was slowly peeled back....

And the first stage of casting the pattern is done.....phew! Amazing, (even if I do say so myself).
But.....according to the technical department at the Oilyracer Casting Co my plan to carve the Polyfilla will not succeed.....and worse still, it will take at least a month to dry!
I can (and will) speed the drying process with a kiln I just happen to have the use of this weekend.....
Gas Mark 1 or 80degree (if you have fan assisted electric)      

Whilst the kiln slowly reduces the liquid content of the Polyfilla casting.....
and with no Posh to pour mi ale I guess the next step is to get off my ass and find a flagon and bottle opener.

Stay tuned Vintafake bloggeroos, the next installment of Working the White Powder will be on your screens soon....

Albert - Over and Out !

B.S.A. Proper Stopper

Greetings Blogfakers, Albert here.
What's new in the world of shedgineering. Hey ! That's another new word ! Crikey, they slip off the tongue like a well rounded cider...Hardly have to explain 'shedgineering' do I ? It happens all the time here in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar', the vintafake capital of Blighty.
Well I got meeself some almighty stopping power. Yep !. Real nautical sea bed stuff to slip between the forks of the VBobber.....should cut the knots with eye popping retardation....
 Ka.... Ka... Ka...ain't that reet Olive ya curvy flagon filler....

But beefure yas all can see mi new VBobber bling 'av got ta dig mi way ooot t'at bar.
Is that a small flurry of snow we have before us ?

Behold.....I present my B.S.A. part. (British Sea Anchor)
Solid English iron...........
Seized and Crusty......... (just as we like em in Yorkshireshireshire)

Fill my flagon Posh.....The Tightie-Whitie brigade of L.A. ain't got one of these babies.....

Headlampius Mantodea Part 8 - Shaping my rammers

Greetings to all you enthusiastic Vintafaker blogspot readers. And greetings to those who are less enthusiastic after stumbling on this informative jotting by accident, it's ok....you'll live !!!!!
Anyway's I'm here !!!! Yes.it's me - Albert Cracklefrostyport. Despite the covering of snow and the ever stream of condensation dripping from the roof of 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' onto my Barnet Fair I have been busy. The way I see it is the long and winding road to Virago imortality will never be reached if I don't persevere against all odds.
So, today I raised enough mojo to make a small but perfectly functioning tool.
Below - I bring before you the one and only Crackle-bar-tweeker. Mk1.

It would have been impossible for me to make this most useful workshop aid without raiding my stock of  well seasoned 25mm angle iron. (In fact if the council workers hadn't left it outside my gaf overnight in the shape of a roadsign to warn of dangerous roadworks I would have been lumbered......no iron - no tweeker)
Rub the rust off, bit of a waft with the MIG, cut a guiding channel in the brass forming die on the old Myford and hey, rock and roll, bring on the good times.
More Big Bertha blowtorch action and before you know it the rammers each have a couple of sexy bends.

More to do but the end is in sight...
Hey Posh ! - Is it flagon time ? - You betcha !

Headlampius Mantodea Part 7 - India joins Blighty

Greetings Vintachaps. I have news.....This week a small part of India declared diplomatic immunity!
Yes, the Madbull Genuine Replica Royal Enfield Delhi Headlight is now officially 'BRITISH'

Before our happy headlighty could be accepted into Blighties Virago Wonderland (The Old Sidevalve Bar)
the upper mounts had to undergo further fabrication. Previous blogs have shown various bits of turned brass masquerading as useful VBobber components ...the time was upon us, they now had to become united....
Big Bertha would crank up the heat....I would apply flux and silver solder....
But before all that could happen, the aforementioned turnings were wired into position.

Flame on ! -

Then, more lathe time. Turned a couple of 'rivet type' fastening screws from a piece of brass scrap and with matching threads also cut into the mounting bobbins all of a sudden the Headlampius Mantodea is becoming not just a dream but almost reality...

Then, the 'BRITISH' Headlighy could be gently hoisted into position for a project review..A stand back full eyeful....Phew ! Sweet !

No where near finished yet but feel the vibes from that little beaut !

Hey Posh fill mi flagon reet ta' top....here's to Vicky the cor blimey Delhi headlighty queen....
I'll bet The Prince of Tighty Whities ain't got 'owt like these on his Vintafake lookalike H.D.

Headlampius Mantodea Part 6 - Delhi Delighty

Greetings Vintafaker fans.
Did I open the hand sewn sack from Delhi ?
Yep, eventually curiosity got the better of me. Snip snip went the scissors and I was in....
Ooooh.....it's a genuine Madbull motorcycle part.....Neat !
Quality......Rare........Just like the real thing....(but better)..........
My headlamp will be all of these and more.........

The box didn't rattle so there's still hope the glass is in one piece....
More snipperty snipping of box and I'm the first person in Blighty to view this valuable import......
Hey....what did I tell you ?
मुझे बताओ कि तुम आदमी नुक़सान, इस हेडलाइट बहुत अच्छी गुणवत्ता आइटम है.बेहतरीन शेफ़ील्ड स्टील से बनाया गया था.अपनी मोटर साइकिल के लिए भाग्य लाएगा.

I like my lucky lucky Madbull Genuine Replica Royal Enfield Delhi Headlight......
I'm gonna wear it today in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'......How cool is that ?

Flaaaaaaaaagoooooooooooon time.......
Let's drink to all those naked Royal Enfield delivery riders who rode day and night to bring vintafake happiness to your Uncle Albert......cheers guys !

Vicky and the Famous Royal Enfield Emporium

Who's Vicky ?............What and where's the 'Famous' Royal Enfield Emporium ?
Yes vintabloggers, once more I shall bring education to your armchair. Light a pipe, pour a small sherry and relax for here on this very page you will read of how Vicky became the Headlampy Queen of Delhi

Here's a picture of Vicky with the Bolshoi Bicyclettes. She's 2nd from the left with the large knobbly knees.
Travelling the Gulag Archipelago in a swimsuit, white ankle socks and a crash hat made of flowers was no life for this Moscow Hottie, Nay.....................and thrice nay........................Sharing a saddle with five others is beyond any human endurance.
The call of the Bhuna was overwelming....
Taking only leather gauntlets and 40 woodbines Vicky jumped on the first motor vehicle available and headed south ..................and further south ......................and even more south.

The journey was arduous.......................taking it's toll on the machine and clothing as the pair crossed desert, mountain and jungle.
The sidecar was lost .................. then the flowers ........................  .the socks and hat too ..................... the gauntlets ................. and eventually the swimsuit                      

But Vicky rode on.....................Destination Delhi................

Take care Vicky - Safe journey.. See you in Delhi.....

Meanwhile......down at 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'

The Headlampius Mantodea project is on hold at the moment. Due to the fact that I'm waiting the arrival of a most extremely importanty packagey from Delhi. Yes, the worlds No1 manufacturing hotspot for all motorcycley vintafakey parts is of course Vicky's Royal Enfield Emporium - situated just off the main Rajasthani-kadhi highway.

I 

I've purchased from this most reliable of sources at a velly excellenty pricey a Genuine Delhi Royal Enfield Headlampy. 

 Ruppees have been exchanged and the part is allegedly heading towards the border with the courier service of Korma & Bharji. At this moment they are heading over the snow covered Himalyan pass of Khardung La. At 5602m it takes a dedicated team to attempt such a traverse without Brighty Whities and socks.......

Good luck guys......we are thinking of you !!!!!!

Flagons are raised....and will remain so until the 'Genuine Delhi Royal Enfield Headlight' arrives.....

More news on Vicky and the Famous Royal Enfield Emporium will surely follow.......

Throw the Switch Igor !

Greetings Vintabloggers, It is 'I' Albert Crackleport..........bringing news of the Fabulous VBobber Virago.
Yes, I have once more been creating life deep down in the hidden chambers of 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'.

Where forgotten and worn pieces of metal are skillfully resurrected to serve man again......
A last chance saloon for the outcasts of our G4phone and Tablet hungry society !!!!!!!
It is secret work, dangerous work, and high voltage work, some sceptics may say pointless work....
Ha ! One day my creation will live ! Until that day cometh be patient my friends and believe....

Saturday 8th December 2012. The sun shone and my mojo juices started running.......Hey, let's not be wasting mojo......let's vintafake
Turn on the compressed air making machine......and set up the Ikea toybox outside on the patio, complete with greenhouse window lid.
Gonna do me some blasting !!!!!

That steering stem doesn't look pretty.....let the mojo flow.......
Now, here's a ridiculous thing.......in the world of grit blast nozzles I think I've got a big 'un. Which is ok to brag about at Grit Blasting Conventions but a right pain in the ar** when working in a restrictive area.
Fill, blast, fill, blast, empty box, fill, blast, fill, blast, empty box......get the picture?
Ah, well, what is will have to be....A nozzle is for life not just for Christmas.
4 hours later -

Sweet !
Igor!...ready the nickel dipping tank......'I' Albert Cracklestein will now feed electrical pulses through this lifeless yamaha limb and try to recover it's soul......

The toxic vapours were rising from the hot chemical bath, now was the time to throw the switch -
100,000,000,000volts......... zezezezezezezbbbbbbbb     zezezezezezezezezezezezeezezeebbbbbbbbb !

                                           
It's alive ! I say IT'S ALIVE !! The chemistry, the electricity, the ancient wisdoms (no G4phone and tablet shit here) all coming together in a 2 gallon plastic bucket..........a steaming and bubbling coldron of nuclear fussion...................or maybe nuclear confussion......
Behold  .......and wonder at the richness of the nickel colour. The job is done. Happiness and wellbeing once again settle over 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'.  All is peaceful in Vintafake land.

Time for a flagon.

Beer Watch - Almost Live from 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' - Part 2

The mission is accomplished -
'The Old Sidevalve Bar  flagon lifters are all still alive -
The beer was tested -
The seal of approval has been granted -
'Basil's Little Beauties' Best Bitter is officially classed as drinkable.

Here's a couple of action shots during the decanting proceedings.
First the slow pour - Performed for 1 night only without a safety net -

Secondly the full inspection -A picture of true deliciousness

Cheers to the Bradford Hop ! May it continue to grow in it's secret location for many years..........


 

Greetings 'Lord Timberlake'
Here's a get well message from Yorkshireshireshireshire.
Get thee' 'sen better reet sharpish old chap. There's homebrew to be drunk and we need ya help doing it.!!
In the meantime here's a couple of shots of a reet little beaut to get ya pecker pulsing !

Not forgetting all the best from Martina Halberstadt-Fokkerstrudle' the new 'Fire Bucket Stocker' down at The Old Sidevalve Bar' xxxxxx

The Prince of 'Tighty Whities' buys Vintafake

Albert here.  Hey ! Before I get started on what's 'appening down 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' take a guess at which cheeky young footie pup has 'bought' a Vintafake
Well I'm not telling you....can't bring myself to mention the dudes name within these very serious jottings but he's the one that models the latest banana hammocks for M&S.
Anyways here's a couple of pictures the sickle...... 

What's with the headlamp bracket?...and the exposed brass?.....

WHO'S BEEN LOOKING IN MY SHED ? 

At least I have proper rust..........
Oy Posh ! Fill my flagon ! It's ale time......

A journey into the unknown

Albert Crackleport here - starting this blog as a record of our preparations to win the 'Golden Helmet Award' at the forthcoming Belgium Biker Build Off. I will be accompanied on this challenge by my trusty pal Basil K. Splutterpipe......

At this point in time it really is 'A journey into the unknown' .... Decisions on power plant, frame layout, controls are all to be decided.