News Flash Gordon and even more Covid19.

 Greetings. Albert here. Still alive and officially jabbed 3 x times. Well ok, once with some dodgy stuff from India, which may or may not hinder any Euro travelling I may wish to participate in. Time will tell. As per usual a bit of news first then onto the story....Date today 19/02/2022. Oh, have you noticed the Vintafake clock is now at zero hours....Shedtime any day of the week now....

Almost a year from my last post (22/03/2021) so what's happened in the world? Phuff, Brexit has sort of fizzled out in the news, but no change, we're still fooked, same old bickering at borders. Fish wars? Sausage wars? all came to nowt. Still can't take a packet of cheese and onion crisps over the channel. Covid19? All restrictions regarding masks, work practices, parties just lifted... UK government not tracking cases and deaths anymore.....Get back to work ya lazy blighters! Covid test kits in very short supply.....Like it never happened. Russia gearing up to start a war...!! Is this how it all ends??? In a big nuking?

Closer to home, in fact in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' I made a fascinating discovery. Only due to the fact that I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I need to downsize my treasure. 2 x old innertubes were de-classified and heading towards the dustbin when I noticed the puncture repairs on the tube that had been fit in the front wheel of 'Lovely Maroon' the BSA B31. Oval on shape, red in colour and embossed with the wording 'Stenor Patch'. Curious to what a Stenor puncture outfit tin may look like I turned to the electronic encyclopedia commonly known as T'internet. 

Steno - inventor of the Stenorizer. A clamp like creation with what appears to be an embossed heated plate that bonds the patch in place when under pressure. Wow! Straight out of 'Practical Mechanics' magazine, with added Flash Gordon....

Here's my Stenorized tube.

A Stenorizer -  for sale on Ebay....over £100 Great British Poonds

If ya had a time machine ya could see one in action at Earls Court.. Set the dial to 1959!

As a secondry observation, (and when you have an interest in puncture patches you notice these things) the 2 x other patches on the long suffering Dunlop inner tube were actual cuttings from a sacrificial donor which most have holed so badly it was unrepairable.

Got this theory, 2 x owners....one could afford the best professional puncture repairs money can buy and the other having to make life choices....is it a posh patch or the kids eat tonight and I go down the shed looking for a bit of old rubber?...Aye....back in't day.

Flash!!! For Fooks Sake!!! Don't let Ming get the Stenorizer!!!! He'll destroy the earth!!! 

(Which is where I came in, but it's now Putin with a Stenorizer and a finger on the switch)

Covid19 (Phuff...again), The Great Reset (can't stop it), Crackxit & a BSA rear sprocket

Anyone out there? Albert calling from base...are you receiving? .....over....Vintafake news update transmitting...over......

Ah good ya there, A.C. here. Still in Covid19 lockdown, but  keeping the homefires burning in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'. Staying out of mutant E484K's way. Latest nasty variant with Brazilian and South African overtones. Yes, all that waxing with a bit of added Boerewors wrapped in a nasty genome. One day my dear readers in the far distant future it may be possible that homebrew beers could once again be shared with chums.   Maybe we can all partaking in a trip through country lanes on or in vintage road machines. What about a longer road trip to Skirtland? Nah, that ain't gonna happen. Krankie Sturgeon (more toxid than Covid19) still stirring the proverbial shi#. That's why I've raised the flag....The flag of my 'Shire'.  Flying on your screen now...."Eyes right... Boy Scout salute and play Bugle Reveille" Bah ! Baaah !!! I've gone independant without a referendum.  Aye, all on mi own. I've had a 'Crackxit'.  Asked permission from nobody. The flag? Proper genuine design for the western 'Shire'.

Extra news - This week gone, my number was drawn out'a hat by the big government computor. Step forward Albert we have a small portion of Aztra-Zeneca for ya. So, outcome of accepting that is I've now got added chimpanzee ChAdOx1. It's in mi blood.....Shi# no going back.......Side effects??

 Got me a rear sprocket for 'Lovely Maroon' the BSA that time forgot. UK supplier but as soon as I unwrapped the outer packaging I thought 'aye aye' recognise that there design. Origin 'India'. Let's have a closer look....Under the paint was an almost undetectable defect which had undergone a high quality repair before leaving the factory. It's on the back so hey ho, I'll live with it. 

 Safe to say BSA B31's are not known for light weight, and on this 'every part must weigh a ton' requirement the sprocket was up to OE standard. Tipping the scales at 1.6kg.

 

 

A sprocket is a sprocket, but this is an ugly monster. A more sporty look could possibly be achieved by stripping the 'only for old duffers' black paint and then treating it to a session under the pillar drill. Yes, old skool speed holes coming up.

The holes weighed 200gms...followed by 3 x coats of Polyurethane 1x pack and looking more like it.

 

 

 

#Crackxit

A new nation is born - Albertland

 

nation

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noun

noun: nation; plural noun: nations

a large body of people united by common descent, history, culture, or language, inhabiting a particular country or territory

 

Covid19, The Great Reset & BSA nuts.

Uncle Albert here, Locked down on-off-on-off-on for nearly a year, but have no fear my mind and body still function like a free spirit.  At this very moment the written word is firing from my fingers tips like charges of plasma surging to earth...  Forcing megabyte after megabyte down the optical fibres and into the big motherboards of the Google Matrix. I'm typing like a crazy man!!!! Time is of the essence.... Gotta to get mi messages out into earths orbit.  Not only are we living a Covid nightmare but unbeknown to the McDonald Park 'n' Order Chickin' Dipper Club the 'Great Rest' is happening on the quiet. Yep, under the radar on the daily news but life will never be as we knew it Jim.  The thought that possibly I can effect the 'Great Reset' has not been lost on me..... the knowledge passed to me by the elders must go to others via the matrix. Don't fight the reset, go under the wire instead. Clever hey? An ethernet umbilical cord will feed the younger generation Vintafake facts of life and the desire to be morally upstanding and hard working. It could take some time but before they know it...Bang! Too late...A mind meld by stealth.!!!! Once known it's always known. Even China will not escape the matrix upload.......They are feeding on it now.......via G5 Samsung clone phones and guided sight seeing trips around York and Bourton-on-the-water. Best bit no antibodies available....Sorry, The Great Reset is on it's way with added Vintafake sprinkles, and a '99' stuck out the top to suck later.

 What's happening in the world of 'Vintafaking' since your last post Albert? You may well ask.!!! All entertainment has been self generated in 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'. Which is the safest place to be, for outside in the wild townships of the 'Shires' Covid19 mutant variants are now running amok. This weeks latest variant is from Brazil. 6 x cases have been detected and would you believe one has escaped....!! Through customs without filling in paperwork.....Fookin' dooks.  Only in Blighty!! Like the boarder control security staff were having a breaktime vanilla slice just at that very moment? 

'Lovely Maroon' The BSA that time forgot was treated to a special gift a couple of days ago.. Purchased on the Bay of E genuine old stock nuts to hold the rear sprocket. Part No 42-6327.Plenty about but mainly steel copy stuff from India. These are the real deal though, made of brass and best of all as they were the last 4 remaining the seller shipped them in the original packet. Wow.....proper nice. 

Keep the faith.... Be part of  'The Great Reset' and don't be afraid of the AstraZeneca.

Brew o'clock.....time I lifted a flagon....Cheers! and may the #beerfairy keep stocking your fridge.

 

Surely not Covid19 - and more crankcase cleaning?

 ....as my Dad would say when I was a nipper and repeatedly wittered..."Ya stuck in the same groove, like an broken old gramophone record". Yep, that's what lockdown does.....round and round with no change. Day after day same old same old. Yesterdays news or todays news, different time same orbit.   Hang on! I'm going round and round repeatedly because that's what I do...I'm ok! Happy cleaner that's me! Broddling old grease out of tiny holes! Hey like an archaeologist sometimes a small but significant discovery can be made. Hallelujah...praise to the power of Vintafake... My eyes have seen a message from the ancients !!!! Cor blimey it's a set of secret numbers. Treasure location?

 4 1 56.  Could be a map reference?

 Phuff...no way I'm going looking for treasure over in Turkmenistan on the off chance its not a date of manufacture.

So, 4th January 1956 at the BSA Works, Armoury Road, Small Heath, Birmingham a set of crankcases for 'Lovely Maroon' came into being. 

What happened that day? You may well ask. Searched the interwebby and let's say, it was just another day.  In fact a Wednesday.  Plain and boring midweek... No news worth reporting ANYWHERE in the world. Welcome to 1956 - Going to work on an egg or Baby Booming take ya pick.

Posh!!!!  I'll have a couple of soft boiled with dippy soldiers ......Oh and a sprinkle of salt n pepper. 

(Eye, Just thinking by November 1956 mi Dad must have had plenty of egg energy.....work that one out!!! )

 

 

 

 

Still Covid19 - Crankcase cleaning.

 #20/01/21 Greetings, Alb here. Bringing you another missive from the diseased 'Shire'. Yep..Outside the sterilized interior of the Vintafake Bio-dome life is not as we knew it Jim. The mutant VUI-202012/01 is all around. I don't venture out now without boilersuit tucked into welly tops, spotty hankerchief over mouth and woolly hat pulled down tight over lug-holes. But why go out? Vintafaking can't stop, there's no knowing how much time anyone has left on this world.....is there not a saying - 'If the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then Muhammad must go to the mountain'  Indeed, then project jobs must go to the Bio-dome. It is written in ancient scriptures. What can possibly go wrong?

With Covid dangers in mind and without wellies or woolly I took a deep breath then rushing out into the virus heavy atmosphere, grabbed a couple of oily BSA parts from 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' and quickly headed back to the dome. Another gulp of clean air before once more risking all to liberating paraffin and the Sonic Cleaner.   Done it !!!

Just doing the washing up dear!

Followed with a bit of high frequency vibration....

Wow...Proper sparkly. Well, that seemed to work out ok, Posh didn't half kill me for splashing old engine oil about... ...This could be the start of more indoor cleaning, and possibly indoor mechanicals..

Yep, some of the new normal is ok. In the meantime Take Care.  

Posh !!!! This Bio-atmosphere is making me hellish thirsty.....what brews have we got to wet mi 'palatine uvula'?

Crankshaft and Covid19. Part 8

 #16/11/2020. Greetings dear readers. I bring news that there be no easing of Covid19 restrictions in Yorkshireshireshire' for a while. All good men/women and true are trapped like weasels in a trap. But nay, how is this possible oh wise one. T'is possible my serf because the chinese germ doth leap from those that do breath on fellow beings in enclosed public places. Visiting friends for a 'Fish Supper' and a pot of tea has dangerous consequences. Thou all knowledgeable UK government leaders do decree that any enjoyment be participated at home and by thi' sen !!!!       So....enjoyment by drinking, digging potatoes or even showering alone are all ok but, best of all shed life is unaffected!!!! Grind, file, even squirting old engine oil at rusty treasure all encouraged.  Your scribe Albert doth wave the Agincourt Two Finger Salute at what was 'The Modern Normal' for it could be old fashioned Vintafaking that saves the worlds population.

Full throttle shedding - I have been busy dear reader on MK2 crankshaft truing stand for the flywheels of ' Lovely Maroon' (the BSA that time forgot) I did incorporate the previous used tooling into the stand, trying to lift the professionalism to unheard of levels. The 2 x 'U' section irons that clamped the flywheels in approximate position whilst tightening the big end bearing nut were drilled at one end to accept bearings for the crank to sit and spin on. A search in the metal store (garden) found some 50mm angle to bolt them to. Perfect. Once again the continual foraging and bringing home anything with metalic content had paid dividends. You couldn't reap this type of return in a shady MPs hedge fund.

Drilling.....tapping........all Covid free.

Warning!!!!      Grinding can cause dangerous sparks.........likely-hood clothes can catch fire !!!!

Ok, sounded easy but -  After many spins and many more wollops with a my largest Thor mallet the dial gauge suggests 1thou run-out. Chuffin hell guys its a BSA not a moon rocket. A bit of crank flutter won't affect lauch speed.

 

Boy oh boy, I'm on a high!!! A vital piece of 'Lovely Maroon' has moved from scrap bin to wonderful goodness. 

"Posh" take the old 'Croft Industrial' and see if ya can't get some piping hot Pie 'n' Mushy Pies wi' a good splash of mint sauce. Oh and a dollop 'o Hammond sauce on the side.

Stay safe -  Easy to play on the wild side with 'Old Normal rules.

News flash and more Covid19.

 Greetings Lock-downers...It is 'I' Albert Crackleport. Yes, still duckin' n' divin' between the virus bugs as they jump from close contactor to close contactor.  Closely piss## up student to Lying Tory eye testing advisor. Locked down but still of sound mind and body that's me!!! ....No government quickly made up bullshi# laws gonna slow the Vintafake mojo.....Way to powerful!

To be honest, life's not changed at 'The Old Sidevalve Bar' since Covid germ No1 penetrated UK border control. Allegedly sneaking through airport security on Michael O'Learys very large wallet or Stanley Johnsons hand luggage as he returned from a trip to De Wallen in Amsterdam.

Your scribe is continuing Vintafaking shed life as always. It's my duty...

Today - 09/11/20 A special moment - a suprise that I must share with you all. (Background info-As you all know, 'Lovely Maroon' the 'BSA B31 that time forgot' is slowly being brought back to life At least 50 years have passed since the air was being sucked through the small Amal monobloc, mixing frugally with the 4 star fuel and propelling Birminghams finest along the highways and byways of Blighty.  How times have changed.)

Hey. Albert-what was the suprise? Get on with it!!!

I'm in the process of ordering new spokes. The old ones are paper thin due to tin worm and unfortunately sometimes originality has to be sacrificed for safety.

Behold, on removing the very ancient K70 tyre I found an inner-tube showing a connection to the past. A snapshot in time many moons ago.

Just imagine how the previous owner suffered as he (or she) made their way home on a freezing cold night. Over unlit moorland roads, the glow of the 6v headlight barely showing the way. Puncture after puncture..6 x in view and 2 x hidden portside. His wife complaining loudly as she shivered in her Protectore Oversuit and Everoak helmet. Her ex army cellophane desert goggles the only eye protection against the hail and snow. No wonder the owner parked the bike up, never to be ridden again. It wasn't mechnical problems that stopped 'Lovely Maroon' it was lack of rubber patches and vulcanising glue!

 

You kids ! Ya don't know ya born..!

Pour a beer Posh ! Let's drink to hero's past!